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Airplane Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Airplane Jokes
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A woman called and asked
- "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?"
I said
- "No, why do you ask?"
She replied
- "Well, when I checked in with the airline they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?"
After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
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category: Airplane Jokes
I had an offer from a large company and they offered to fly me out to the meeting on business class. During the return flight we were given gourmet brownies and cookies. Not hungry, I decided to save them for later, so I placed them in an airsickness courtesy bag. After the plane landed I got up to leave and a stewardess approached me. She asked,
- "Sir, would you like for me to dispose of that for you?"
I said,
- "No thanks, I'm saving it for my kids."
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category: Airplane Jokes
A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he's falling, he realizes hiss chute is broken. He doesn't know anything about parachutes, but as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down. The wind is ripping past his face, he's dropping like a rock, and at 5000 feet, another man goes shooting up past him. In desperation, the man with the chute looks up and yells,
- "Hey do you know anything about parachutes?!"
The guy flying up looks down and yells,
- "No, do you know anything about gas stoves?!"
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category: Airplane Jokes
On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks
- "And get me a whisky you cow!"
The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls
- "And get me another whisky you idiot"
Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach
- "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you"
The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says
- "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"
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category: Airplane Jokes
All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions. One guy asked,
- "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"
Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered,
- "The rest of your life."
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category: Airplane Jokes
Two air traffic controllers collided in the tower at New York's La Guardia airport. The men involved in the incident were both focusing their attention on donuts and coffee they were individually carrying when they crashed into each other, spilling the contents on a radar machine and short-circuiting it. The controllers however, did not follow FAA regulations by reporting the incident and instead relied on binoculars to observe air traffic at the busy airport. As a result, all 10,000 air traffic controllers nationwide are being required to retrain in the proper procedure of holding a donut and coffee mug so as not to disrupt operations.
- "We feel secure that flying will be safe again after the retraining is completed," an FAA official said in Washington.
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category: Airplane Jokes
According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight. The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign. The vibration stopped immediately. A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.
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category: Airplane Jokes
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