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Airplane Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Airplane Jokes
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I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747. I said
- "Hi Jack."
He shot me.
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category: Airplane Jokes
Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country. The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane. She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up. Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she'd be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary.
- "Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?"
The actuary looked through his tables and said,
- "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand."
She nodded, then thought for a moment.
- "So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?"
Again he went through his tables.
- "Extremely remote," he said. "About one in a billion."
Aunt Bessie nodded and left his office. And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with her.
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category: Airplane Jokes
An airliner was having engine trouble and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
- “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except for one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”
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category: Airplane Jokes
On the way back to New York as I was sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight to Vegas was full. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said,
- "If there is anyone else other than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward..."
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category: Airplane Jokes
As you board the plane, you notice the co-pilot is frowning and wearing an "I'm with Stupid" T-Shirt. The Captain announces over the intercom the Flight is delayed while he looks for his keys. The Airline mechanics, wearing propeller beanies, seem to be pointing and laughing an awful lot, and drinking something from inside brown paper bags. The Ground Crew are seen using pennies to check tyre wear. A man with an oily rag hanging from the back pocket of his dirty coveralls, and sadly shaking his head, turns out to be the airline's C.E.O. A voice on P.A. system warns you to keep your heads and arms inside the aircraft at all times, while the plane is in motion. The air sickness bags have the Lord's Prayer printed on them. Jumper Cables are dangling from the door to the cockpit. A man in clerical garb walks thru the plane, sprinkles all the passengers with water, mumbling something in Latin & exits. A telephone with a really long cord connects the plane to the control tower.
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category: Airplane Jokes
Three men are on a plane. They open a window and one throws an orange out. The other throws out an apple. The Third throws out a hand grenade. After getting off of the plane, they see a boy crying. They ask what's wrong, and he replies,
- "An apple hit me in the head!"
They see another boy crying. He says,
- "An orange hit me in the head!"
Then they see a boy rolling on the sidewalk laughing. They asked why he was laughing, and he replied,
- "I farted and my house blew up!"
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category: Airplane Jokes
A friend of mine was learning how to fly (a plane, obviously) and asked his instructor the safety benefits of a twin engine aircraft. His reply:
- "If one engine fails, the other takes you to the scene of the accident."
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category: Airplane Jokes
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