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Bar Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Bar Jokes
show: 120 - 126 z 126
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Two men walked into a bar. You would think at least one of them would have ducked.
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category: Bar Jokes
Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them,
- "We don't serve your kind in here."
One of the yogurt cartons says back to him,
- "Why not? We're cultured individuals."
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category: Bar Jokes
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
- "Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman.
- "Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.
- "You're under 18," replies the barman.
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category: Bar Jokes
A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac. The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won't see him. The barman looks down at him and says,
- "What's the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You've got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac?
The motorway replies,
- "You don't know him like I do. He's a cyclepath."
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category: Bar Jokes
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing.
- "What's so funny?" the bartender asked.
- "That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
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category: Bar Jokes
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her,
- "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The lady asks,
- "How do I do it without surgery?"
- "Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the lady asks,
- "How does that make them bigger?"
- "I don't know, but it worked for your ass."
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category: Bar Jokes
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says,
- "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies,
- "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
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category: Bar Jokes
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