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Conductor Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Conductor Jokes
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A violinist was auditioning for the Halle orchestra in England. After his audition he was talking with the conductor.
- "What do you think about Brahms?" asked the conductor.
- "Ah..." the violinist replied, "Brahms is a great guy! Real talented musician. In fact, he and I were just playing some duets together last week!"
The conductor was impressed.
- "And what do you think of Mozart?" he asked him.
- "Oh, he's just swell! I just had dinner with him last week!" replied the violinist.
Then the violinist looked at his watch and said he had to leave to catch the 1:30 train to London. Afterwards, the conductor was discussing him with the board members. He said he felt very uneasy about hiring this violinist, because there seemed to be a serious credibility gap. The conductor knew for certain that there was no 1:30 train to London.
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category: Conductor Jokes
A new conductor was at his first rehearsal. It was not going well. He was wary of the musicians as they were of him. As he left the rehearsal room, the timpanist sounded a rude little "bong." The angry conductor turned and said,
- "All right! Who did that?"
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category: Conductor Jokes
- "Mommy," said the little girl, "can I get pregnant by anal intercourse?"
- "Of course you can." her mother replied. "How do you think conductors are made?"
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category: Conductor Jokes
A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor.
- "This one's $5,000 and the other is $10,000." the clerk said.
- "Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?"
- "This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote."
- "And the other?" said the customer.
- "This one can sing Wagner's entire Ring cycle. There's another one in the back room for $30,000."
- "Holy moly! What does that one do?"
- "Nothing that I can tell, but the other two parrots call him 'Maestro'."
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category: Conductor Jokes
Once upon a time, there was a blind rabbit and blind snake, both living in the same neighborhood. One beautiful day, the blind rabbit was hopping happily down the path toward his home, when he bumped into someone. Apologizing profusely he explained,
- "I am blind, and didn't see you there."
- "Perfectly all right," said the snake, "because I am blind, too, and did not see to step out of your way."
A conversation followed, gradually becoming more intimate, and finally the snake said,
- "This is the best conversation I have had with anyone for a long time. Would you mind if I felt you to see what you are like?"
- "Why, no," said the rabbit. "Go right ahead."
So the snake wrapped himself around the rabbit and shuffled and snuggled his coils, and said,
- "MMMM! You're soft and warm and fuzzy and cuddly...and those ears! You must be a rabbit."
- "Why, that's right!" said the rabbit. "May I feel you?"
- "Go right ahead." said the snake, stretching himself out full length on the path.
The rabbit began to stroke the snake's body with his paws, then drew back in disgust.
- "Yuck!" he said. "You're cold...and slimy... you must be a conductor!"
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category: Conductor Jokes
A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor.
- "I'm sorry,he's dead," comes the reply.
The musician calls back 25 times, always getting the same reply from the receptionist. At last she asks him why he keeps calling.
- "I just like to hear you say it."
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category: Conductor Jokes
- What's the difference between an opera conductor and a baby?
- A baby sucks its fingers.
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category: Conductor Jokes
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