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Dating Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Dating Jokes
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A husband and his wife who have been married twenty years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So the man says to his wife,
- "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill."
She says nothing and ignores the remark. A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill. Then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps,
- "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!"
She ignores this remark as well. Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds,
- "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."
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category: Dating Jokes
Two teenagers wander off to the bushes during a softball game on the outskirts of their small town and start necking. After a while the guy abruptly stops.
- "You know we've been doing this for weeks now and I think it's time we had intercourse," he pleads.
- "Well, maybe," she says. "But I'm a virgin and I heard it hurts. Besides, all those people in the field may hear us."
The boy pauses and then says,
- "Hmmm, well then if it hurts start making cow sounds, and I'll stop. But if it feels good, start singing. That way no one will ever guess what we're really doing!"
The girl agrees, so the two hastily take off their clothes and get down to business. Ten minutes later, people watching the game hear sounds echoing through the quiet countryside so loudly that the teams stop playing.
- "Mooooo... Mooooo... Moooon River...!"
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category: Dating Jokes
Girlfriend:
- "And are you sure you love me and no one else?"
Boyfriend:
- "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday."
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category: Dating Jokes
At one of the last all-girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant.
- "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you," she said. Then, returning to reality, she added, "But, if the big, dumb galoot is in the restaurant ordering his steak, don't wait any longer."
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category: Dating Jokes
The woman asked her redneck lover,
- "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"
- "Sure," he replied. "What's your phone number?
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category: Dating Jokes
A guy meets a gorgeous woman at a bar. After an evening of drinking, they both go back to her place. Within minutes of arriving, they are on the bed. He removes her blouse and skirt. Then, he pulls off his pants and shirt. He gets on top, and begins to make love to her. After awhile, he notices that with each stroke he takes, her toes curl up.
- "Wow," he thinks, "I am Good!" and intensifies his thrusting. At this point, she stops him.
- "What's wrong?" he asks, "I thought you were enjoying this?"
- "I'd enjoy it even more," she says, "if you took off my pantyhose."
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category: Dating Jokes
A young man had seriously dated three girls and was finally faced with the dilemma of which to marry. As a test he gave each of them one thousand dollars. The first girl went for a complete hair and face makeover, new clothes, and new shoes. She returned to show off her new look saying,
- "I want to be at my most beautiful for you. Why? Because I love you, dear."
The second girl returned with new hockey and golf equipment, a new stereo, VCR, and month's supply of beer saying,
- "I bought all these things for you. They're my gifts to you, because I love you so."
The third girl invested the $1,000 wisely and very quickly doubled her original amount. She reinvested the profits which continued to multiply and returned the first thousand to the young man saying,
- "I have taken your money and made it grow as an investment in our future together. That's how much I love you, my dear."
The young man was very impressed by all of their responses. He then gave long and careful consideration and do you know which one he decided to marry? - The one with the biggest tits!
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category: Dating Jokes
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