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Drink Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Drink Jokes
show: 1 - 7 z 8
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- How do you make a cat drink?
- 1 cat, 2 lemons, Vodka and mix then serve
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category: Drink Jokes
Two guys were discussing life in general over drinks one night.
- "My grandfather lived to be 96."
- "Ninety-six? What finally got him???"
- "Liquor and women."
- "Well, that just goes to show ya," snickered the one guy, "both will get you in the end."
- "Well actually, no, it's not what ya think. Towards the end, Grandpa couldn't get either one, so he just laid down and died."
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category: Drink Jokes
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts. To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl.
- "You look great tonight!" it said. "You really look fantastic... And that after shave is just wonderful!"
The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it. Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine.
- "You Bastard... Oh my god you Stink... Do you know, you're almost as ugly as your mother."
By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the bartender for an explanation.
- "Ah yes sir," the bartender responds, "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."
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category: Drink Jokes
A drunk was staggering through the park when he saw a young jogger doing push-ups as part of his warm- ups. The drunk stood there a moment then said,
- "Washmadder pal ? Lose your girl ?"
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category: Drink Jokes
A cop was sitting in his car outside a bar waiting for the drunks to come out. Sure enough a very drunk man soon staggers out. He stumbles around putting his keys into different cars until he finally find his. He gets in and fumbles around some more trying to get the car started. The cop watches him and soon the lot is empty and they guy is still trying to start his car. They guy finally gets the car started so the cop stops him and gives him a Breathalyzer test. It reads 0.0. The cop is stunned and asks they guy how can you be so drunk and get a reading of 0.0. The guy answers
- "Because I'm not drunk. I'm the designated decoy."
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category: Drink Jokes
A guy goes into work with a really bad hangover. His buddy looks at him and says:
- "You look like shit. Rough night huh?"
They guy says:
- "I'm so ashamed, last night I went home and blew chunks."
His buddy says:
- "That's not so bad, I've done that plenty of times."
The guy says:
- "You don't understand....Chunks is my dog."
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category: Drink Jokes
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in ATLANTA.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said,
- "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says,
- "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch
and get completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and
is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT!
NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings...It's Jim.
Jim says,
- "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says,
- "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says,
- "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Bud says,
- "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing.
We ought to do this more often."
- "Yeah, well there's just one thing..."
- "What's that?"
- "Have you farted yet?"
- "No....."
- "Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in PHOENIX!!!"
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category: Drink Jokes
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