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Father Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Father Jokes
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My father taught me about the birds and the bees. He didn't know anything about girls.
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category: Father Jokes
My uncle is always unhappy on Father's Day because he never had children to celebrate it with.
- "Weren't you happy at home?" I asked him.
He said,
- "Oh, sure. My wife laughs at everything I do. That's th reason we don't have children."
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category: Father Jokes
An Army brat was boasting about his father to a Navy brat.
- "My dad is an engineer. He can do everything. Do you know the Alps?"
- "Yes," said the Navy brat.
- "My dad has built them."
Then the naval kid spoke:
- "And do you know the Dead Sea?"
- "Yes"
- "It's my dad who's killed it!"
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category: Father Jokes
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies:
- "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl:
- "Do you like spinach?"
She says
- "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks,
- "Do you have a brother?"
Again, the girl says
- "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question:
- "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
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category: Father Jokes
An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers.
- "As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward.
- "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?"
- "Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my dad lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."
- "Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"
He squirmed in his seat and admitted,
- "My dad sued me for the money."
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category: Father Jokes
A young man comes home and says
- "Dad, just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car."
Father replies,
- "O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see."
Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand.
- "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?"
Father replies,
- "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair."
Son says,
- "But, dad, Jesus had long hair."
Father replies,
- "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."
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category: Father Jokes
A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him. Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... then to the right.... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,
- "That boy should have quit while he was a head."
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category: Father Jokes
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