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Fishing Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Fishing Jokes
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An eighty year old man was out fishing one day when he heard a voice. Knowing no one was around he just thought he was hearing things. Once again he heard psst- psst hey you. The man looked around and saw a frog in the water. The man said:
- "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said:
- "yea, pick me up."
So the man picked the frog up.
- "Now kiss me and I will turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen."
The man proceeded to put the frog in his coat pocket. Pretty soon the man hears the frogs muffled voice again. He reaches into his pocket and retrieves the frog.
- "Hey, didn't you hear me? I said kiss me and I will turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen!"
- "No thanks" said the man "at my age I would rather have a talking frog."
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category: Fishing Jokes
Steve was going for his morning walk one day when he walked past Ole's house and saw a sign that said Boat For Sale. This confused Steve because he knew that Ole didn't own a boat, so he finally decided to go in and ask Ole about it.
- "Hey Ole" said Steve "I noticed da sign in your yard dat says 'Boat For Sale,' but ya ain't ever been fisun and don't even have a boat. All ya have is your old John Deere tractor and combine."
Ole Calmly replied Yup, and they're boat for sale.
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category: Fishing Jokes
One of my students pulled this one on me years ago. It was so good that I couldn't discipline him. Sometimes the students chose their own topics for writing. Sometimes they had a list from which I wanted them to choose. Whatever the case at the time, one student asked to write about his summer vacation. I told him that would be fine. He wrote a lovely paper about going to the coast and getting a summer job on a fishing boat. He described how, without any skills, he was still able to obtain work as a "bait boy" on the boat. It was his job to make sure the bait was provided, cut up, if necessary, and even put on the hooks if the customers wanted him to do that. He did well, was given more responsibilities, and advanced quickly in the job. By the summer, he had done so well that he was made: "Master Baiter."
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category: Fishing Jokes
Go to the store and buy a can of sweet peas. Go out on the ice. When you find a good spot, cut a hole about 3 feet in diameter through the ice. Open the can of peas and place one about every three inches around the outside of the hole. When a polar bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.
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category: Fishing Jokes
Two men take a wrong turn and walk into a room in the San Francisco City Hall. A man walks up to them, says a lot of junk, and finally declares,
- "I now pronounce you spouse and spouse."
One man looks at the other and tells the Justice of the Peace,
- "We just came in here to get fishing licenses!"
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category: Fishing Jokes
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said,
- "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said,
- "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"
The man said,
- "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said,
- "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"
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category: Fishing Jokes
Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly,
- "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War. Could you help me?"
- "Of course, my son," Jesus said. And, when he touched the man's back he felt relief for the first time in years. The second guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving , asked if Jesus could do anything about his poor eyesight. Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly. When Jesus turned to the third guy, the guy put his hands out defensively.
- "Don't touch me!" he cried. "I'm on a disability pension."
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category: Fishing Jokes
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