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Gender Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Gender Jokes
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I was enjoying the second week of a two-week vacation the same way I had enjoyed the first week: by doing as little as possible. I ignored my wife's not-so-subtle hints about completing certain jobs around the house, but I didn't realize how much this bothered her until the clothes dryer refused to work, the iron shorted and the sewing machine motor burned out in the middle of a seam. The final straw came when she plugged in the vacuum cleaner and nothing happened. She looked so stricken that I had to offer some consolation.
- "That's okay, honey," I said. "You still have me."
She looked up at me with tears in her eyes.
- "Yes," she wailed, "but you don't work either!"
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category: Gender Jokes
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said,
- "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
- "My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
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category: Gender Jokes
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came this little old man. The son said,
- "Ooh dad, there's one."
- "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said,
- "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough."
- "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said,
- "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."
- "No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."
- "Why not?" asked the son.
- "Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
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category: Gender Jokes
A Chinese couple had a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, black baby boy.
- "Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents. "What will you name the baby?"
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
- "I think we will name him Sum Ting Wong."
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category: Gender Jokes
Harold's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked,
- "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Harold replied,
- "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."
- "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.
- "Hey, wait a minute!" Harold interrupted.
- "I haven't added them up yet."
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category: Gender Jokes
A wife complains,
- "A wall clock almost killed my mother-in-law today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."
Her husband mumbled,
- "Clock always was slow."
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category: Gender Jokes
A guy came home to his wife and said to her:
- "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 AM start, 2 PM finish, no overtime, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!"
- "That's great," his wife said.
- "Yeah, I thought so too," he agreed. "You start on Monday."
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category: Gender Jokes
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