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Golf Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Golf Jokes
show: 1 - 7 z 19
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A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
- "Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. "That's when I made my mistake."
- "What did you do?" asks the doctor.
- "Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!"
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category: Golf Jokes
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.
- "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
- "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said,
- "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
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category: Golf Jokes
- "I just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife!"
- "Great trade!"
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category: Golf Jokes
Chuck was a popular member at the golf club, but he just finished up a terrible round of golf and wasn't in a mood to visit the clubhouse after walking off the 18th green. So he headed straight out to the parking lot and started changing his shoes. Just as he was closing the trunk of his car, a police officer spotted him. The policeman, stern-faced, walked over to Chuck and asked,
- "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about thirty minutes ago?"
- "Yes," Chuck replied, "yes I did. Is something wrong, officer?"
- "Did you happen to hook your tee shot?" the policeman asked.
- "Yes, I did," replied Chuck.
- "Did your ball fly over the trees and off the course?" the policeman asked.
- "Why, yes, it did," said Chuck.
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category: Golf Jokes
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome Teed Off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She then explained that she was a physical therapist:
- "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" she told him earnestly.
- "Ummph, oooh, nnoo, I'll be all right.... I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in a fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside, beginning to massage him.
- "How does that feel?" she asked.
- "It feels great." He replied. "But my thumb still hurts like the dickens!".
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category: Golf Jokes
A Texas business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for the evening. Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling "Gama Su!, Gama Su!". Hearing this, the Texan knew he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep. The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away! Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese. Wanting to impress his friends, the Texan joined in and began yelling, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Suddenly everyone became quiet. After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked
- "Wrong hole? What do you mean wrong hole?"
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category: Golf Jokes
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says,
- "What the hell is taking so long? Hit the damned ball!"
The guy answers,
- "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
- "Give me a break! You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."
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category: Golf Jokes
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