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Holidays Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Holidays Jokes
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Two high-powered executives, Bob and Denny staggered out of their company Christmas party in New York City. Denny started crossing the street, while Bob accidentally stumbled into a subway entrance. When Denny reached the other side, he turned to notice Bob emerging from the subway stairs.
- "Where have you been?" Denny slurred.
- "I don't know" replied Bob, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"
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category: Holidays Jokes
During the mailing rush right before the Christmas, a rather holiday-stressed woman went to the local Post Office to buy some stamps for her stack of Christmas cards.
- "What denomination?" asked the postal clerk.
- "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" exclaimed the woman. She thought for a minute and then replied, "Well, okay. Give me fifty Catholic and fifty Baptist ones."
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category: Holidays Jokes
Father Christmas was in the Grotto, when after days of young children filing past, he was confronted by a lovely looking eighteen-year-old girl. She sits herself down on Santa's knee and he asks her what she wants for Christmas. She says,
- "Well Santa, I've got no pubic hairs on my pussy, and I wondered if you could get me some for Christmas?"
Santa replies,
- "Well I don't know, if I can get you pubic hairs on your pussy... Will white whiskers do?"
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category: Holidays Jokes
Last Halloween, a young boy dressed as a pirate captain knocked on the door of a house to get some trick-or-treat candy. A kindly woman answered the door and recognized that the young lad was a pirate. His costume was really cute, with a toy parrot on his shoulder, eye patch, and all. She thought she'd have a little fun with the boy by teasing him a bit.
- "Where are your buccaneers?" asked the woman.
To that, the boy replied,
- "Under my buccan-hat!"
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category: Holidays Jokes
Last New Year's eve, Mrs. Shirley Grumwald and Mrs. Dorothy Ellerbee unexpectedly bumped into each other at a large party. After an hour of talking and drinking, Mrs. Grumwald remarked to her friend,
- "You know, Dorothy, they call my husband 'The Exorcist'."
With a great surprise Mrs. Ellerbee asked her,
- "Well, why?"
Mrs. Grumwald replied,
- "At every party we attend, my husband soon gets rid of all the spirits."
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category: Holidays Jokes
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his hometown for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says to the waitress,
- "I'll just have the eggs benedict."
The waitress brings out his order a while later, and it's served on a huge fancy chrome plate. The guy asks the waitress,
- "What's with the fancy plate?"
The waitress replied,
- "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
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category: Holidays Jokes
After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
- "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
- "Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face."
- "He's an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!"
- "You did. All over his suit, "Louise informed him. "And he fired you."
- "Well, screw him," said John.
- "I did. You're back at work on Monday."
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category: Holidays Jokes
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