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Honeymoon Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Honeymoon Jokes
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A man and his wife were going on a cruise for their honeymoon. They packed their bags and got ready to go but forgot two things: Condoms and Dramamine, for the man had the terrible misfortune of getting motion sickness on ships. So the man and his wife stop at the store on the way to the cruise and the man goes in to get the necessary supplies. He walks to the counter with a plenty pack of condoms and asks for the largest bottle of Dramamine available. The pharmacist looks at him for a second and then asks him,
- "If it makes you so sick, why do you do it?"
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category: Honeymoon Jokes
These two eggs had just been married and were on their honeymoon. While they were sitting on the bed making out, the female egg pushed the male egg away and said,
- "I just have to go to the bathroom. I'll be back in a minute."
And off she went. Five minutes later the male egg saw his sexy wife walk out in a slinky egglige, wiping her hands up and down her smooth, ovally body. Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely. The female egg looked at him and asked what he was doing. He replied,
- "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon!"
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category: Honeymoon Jokes
The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband's lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely.
- "I demand proper manners in bed," she declared, "just as I do at the dinner table."
Amused by his wife's formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets.
- "Is that better?" he asked, with a hint of a smile.
- "Yes," replied the girl, "much better."
- "Very good, darling," the husband whispered. "Now would you be so kind as to please pass the pussy."
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category: Honeymoon Jokes
A young woman says to her doctor,
- "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiancee' thinks that I'm a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?"
- "Medically, not really," the doctor replies. "Try this: On your wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed slide a thick rubber band around your upper thigh. When your husband enters you, snap the rubber band and tell your husband it's your cherry popping."
On the wedding night, the new bride undresses in the bathroom and slips the rubber band around her thigh. She and her husband begin to make love. As her husband enters her she snaps the rubber band right on cue.
- "What the hell was that?" the husband asks.
- "That was my cherry snapping," the bride says.
- "Well, snap it again," her husband yells. "It's got my balls."
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category: Honeymoon Jokes
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband.
- "Hi hun," he says, "how do you like your new phone?"
His wife replied,
- "I just love. It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though."
- "What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
The blonde replied,
- "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
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category: Honeymoon Jokes
A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations. The operation is performed, but a month later, she's still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative. But, there's still no result, and another month later she's back in the doctor's office, and this time she gets the big one. After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in conceiving a baby. Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular examination during pregnancy and says,
- "We're so happy doctor. We're finally having a baby. But what was this third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that bad, but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy for weeks after."
- "Well," the doctor replies, "since the first two standard operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to your uterus."
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category: Honeymoon Jokes
The reception had ended and the newlyweds had just sneaked off to the romantic honeymoon resort. After supper and champagne, the groom retired to the bedroom. But Bambi pulled a chair up to the balcony doors and sat there, gazing at the stars.
- "Dear," asked the somewhat impatient husband. "Aren't you coming to bed?"
- "No," Bambi announced. "My mother told me this was going to be the most beautiful night of my life, and I don't want to miss a single minute of it."
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category: Honeymoon Jokes
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