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Indian Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Indian Jokes
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said,
- "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said,
- "I do. Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said,
- "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it, and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said,
- "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto said,
- "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces,
- "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again and claims,
- "I do. What is wrong with him this time?"
The cowboy says to him,
- "Nothing much, I just wanted you to know... you left your Injun running!!!"
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category: Indian Jokes
Once upon a time a Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman were captured by the Red Indians on a prospecting trip in North America. They been tied up against their respective totem poles for a day when the Chief walked up to the Englishman, pinched the skin of his upper arm and said,
- "Hmmm, heap good skin, nice and thick. Will make heap good canoe. You have a last request?"
- "That case of gin I had when your boys caught me. I'd like that", says the Englishman. He's provided with his gin and is taken off to a teepee for his final night. The Englishman drinks two bottles of gin.
In the morning the Indians dispatch him, skin him and make him into a canoe. The canoe lasts a couple of days when it tears on a rock. Next day the Chief walks up to the Scotsman, pinches the skin at the top of his arm and says,
- "Hmmm, heap, heap good skin, very, very thick. Will make heap, heap good canoe. You have a last request?
- "Ah'll huv ma whisky back", says the Scotsman. He's provided with his whisky and taken off to a teepee for his final night. The Scotsman drinks three bottles of whisky. He's already dead when the Indians come to collect him the next morning. They skin him and make him into a canoe. The canoe lasts a week before it tears on a rock. Next day the Chief walks up to the Irishman, pinches the skin at the top of his arm and says, "Hmmm, heap, heap, heap, heap good skin, very, very, very, very thick. Will make heap, heap, heap, heap good canoe. You have a last request?
- "I'd loike a fork.", says the Irishman.
The Chief gives him a funny look but gives him the fork. The Irishman takes the fork, stabs himself repeatedly shouting,
- "Yer no makin' any bloody canoe outta me!"
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category: Indian Jokes
The maharajah of an Indian Province issued a royal decree. He ordered that no one was to kill any wild animals while he was the country's leader. The decree was honored until there were so many Bengal Tigers running loose that the people revolted and threw the maharajah from power. This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game.
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category: Indian Jokes
Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse.
- "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back."
- "Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."
- "I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now."
Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted,
- "Audi, partners!"
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category: Indian Jokes
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other,
- "You see that Indian?"
- "Yeah," says the other cowboy.
- "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up.
- "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
- "Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says,
- "Ran over me about a half hour ago."
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category: Indian Jokes
I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right. The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps onto the other horse. Just before he rode off, I yelled out,
- "What was all that about?"
He replied,
- "Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."
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category: Indian Jokes
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.
- "Ever have an accident?"
- "Nope, nary a one."
- "None? You've never had any accidents."
- "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never."
- "Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?"
- "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
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category: Indian Jokes
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