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Job Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Job Jokes
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After years of hard work, Christopher took a well-deserved vacation on a luxury cruise ship. Relaxing in a deck chair, he recognized a former high school classmate, a long-lost friend from his old hometown. Christopher crossed the deck, seized the fellow's hand and said,
- "Hello, Daniel. I haven't seen you in years. What are you doing these days?"
- "I'm practicing law," quietly whispered Daniel. "But, please don't tell mother. She thinks that I'm still a pimp."
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category: Job Jokes
Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice trying to reassure him,
- "Howard. Don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients and you won't be the last."
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality.
- "Howard. You're a veterinarian."
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category: Job Jokes
A businessman and his secretary were overcome by passion, and the executive convinced her to retire to his house for what is popularly termed a "nooner."
- "Don't worry," he purred. "My wife is out of town on a business trip, and won't bother us."
The pair were necking in the businessman's bedroom, when the secretary gasped,
- "We got to stop now! I'm not using any birth control!"
- "No problem," he replied. "I know where my wife keeps her diaphragm."
He immediately began rooting around in the bathroom. After a half-hour, he returned to the bedroom in a fury.
- "That witch!" he exclaimed. "She took it with her! I always knew that she didn't trust me."
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category: Job Jokes
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in New York City.
- "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes that there are germs in our drinking water."
- "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to?"
- "You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea." said the dietitian.
The man lowered his head and responded,
- "Wedding cake?"
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category: Job Jokes
In the middle of an international gynecology conference, an English and a French gynecologist are discussing various cases they have recently treated. The French gynecologist said,
- "Only last week, zer was a woman ooh came to see me, and 'er cleetoris - eet was like a melon."
The English gynecologist replied,
- "Don't be absurd. It couldn't have been that big. My goodness, man. She wouldn't have been able to walk if it was."
The French gynecologist said,
- "Aaah, you eenglish, zare you go again, always talkeeng about ze size. I was talkeeng about ze flavor."
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category: Job Jokes
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man's balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing testicle with an onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup.
- "How's your sex life?" the doctor asked.
- "Pretty good," the man said, to the doctor's relief. But then he added, "I've had some strange side effects."
- "What's that?" the doctor asked anxiously.
- "Well, every time I pee, my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job, she gets heartburn. And, every time I pass a hamburger stand, I get turned on."
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category: Job Jokes
In the days before birth control pills, a young bride-to-be asked her gynecologist to recommend some sort of contraceptive. He suggested she try withdrawal, douches or condoms. Several years later, the woman was walking down the street with three children when she happened to run across her old doctor.
- "I see you decided not to take my advice," he said, eyeing the young children.
- "On the contrary, Doc," she exclaimed. "Davey here was a pullout, Darcy was a washout, and Delores was a blowout!"
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category: Job Jokes
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