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Lawyer Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Lawyer Jokes
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A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said,
- "In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they?ll have something to spend over there."
They all agreed that this was appropriate. The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same. The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.
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category: Lawyer Jokes
Lawyer:
- "Judge, I wish to appeal my client?s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."
Judge:
- "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"
Lawyer:
- "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."
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category: Lawyer Jokes
- Why does California have the most attorneys, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps?
- New Jersey got first pick.
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category: Lawyer Jokes
- What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?
- A doberman pinscher.
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category: Lawyer Jokes
At the United Way in a fairly small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn't made a contribution. This guy was making about $600,000 a year so the volunteer thought,
- "Why not call him up?"
He calls up the lawyer.
- "Sir, according to our research you haven't made a contribution to the United Way, would you like to do so?"
The lawyer responds,
- "A contribution? Does your research show that I have an invalid mother who requires expensive surgery once a year just to stay alive?"
The worker is feeling a bit embarrassed and says,
- "Well, no sir, I'm..."
- "Does your research show that my sister's husband was killed in a car accident? She has three kids and no means of support!"
The worker is feeling quite embarrassed at this point.
- "I'm terribly sorry..."
- "Does your research show that my brother broke his neck on the job and now requires a full time nurse to have any kind of normal life?"
The worker is completely humiliated at this point.
- "I am sorry sir, please forgive me..."
- "The gall of you people! I don't give them anything, so why should I give it to you!"
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category: Lawyer Jokes
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying,
- "you do God?s work."
The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying,
- "you protect the public."
The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop. A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying,
- "you serve the justice system."
The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
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category: Lawyer Jokes
- If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Attila the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
- Shoot the lawyer twice.
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category: Lawyer Jokes
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