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Managers Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Managers Jokes
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If you give some managers an inch, they think they're a ruler.
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category: Managers Jokes
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer,
- "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon."
Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said,
- "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago."
Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled,
- "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she wanted?"
The clerk smiled and said ...
- "Rain."
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category: Managers Jokes
The boss called one of his employees into the office.
- "Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year now. You started off in the mail room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-president. Now, it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?"
- "Thanks,Dad," said the employee.
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category: Managers Jokes
- How many CEOs does it take to replace a light bulb?
- Three. One to hold a meeting to discuss the change, one to dictate it to the secretary, and one to delegate it to the vice-president.
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category: Managers Jokes
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:
- "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend. I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below says,
- "Yes, you are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude."
- "You must be a programmer," says the balloonist.
- "I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
- "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below says,
- "You must be a project manager"
- "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
- "Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."
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category: Managers Jokes
A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their program manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off. Poof - out pops a genie.
- "Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison. I can grant you 3 wishes. Since there are 3 of you I will grant one wish to each of you."
The hardware engineer thinks a moment and says,
- "I'd like to be sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with an all-girl crew."
- "It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the hardware engineer disappears.
The software engineer thinks a moment and says,
- "I'd like to be riding my Harley with a gang of beautiful women throughout the American Southwest."
- "It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the software engineer disappears.
The program manager looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then he tells the Genie,
- "I'd like those two back in the office after lunch."
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category: Managers Jokes
Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are in Ft. Lauderdale for a two-week period helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says
- "Normally I would grant you 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish."
The hardware engineer went first.
- "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me."
The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas. The software engineer went next.
- "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me."
The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean. Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn.
- "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.
- "I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager."
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category: Managers Jokes
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