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Managers Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Managers Jokes
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A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says,
- "the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".
- "Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man.
The shop owner says,
- "well, the parrot knows how to use a computer".
The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system. Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question,
- "What can it do?"
To which the shop owner replies,
- "to be honest I have never seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"
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category: Managers Jokes
A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him,
- "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."
Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says
- "Blame your predecessor!"
He does this and gets off the hook. About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds. Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says
- "Prepare three envelopes".
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category: Managers Jokes
A doctor, a lawyer and a manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress. The lawyer says:
- "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."
The doctor says:
- "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."
The manager says:
- "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife -- you can go to the office and do some work.
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category: Managers Jokes
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