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Managers Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Managers Jokes
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
1) A roomful - they have to hold a meeting to discuss all the ramifications of the change.
2) None, they like to keep employees in the dark.
3) "This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile ..."
4) "We've formed a task-force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and to figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder."
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category: Managers Jokes
- How many personnel managers does it take to replace a light bulb?
- Three. One to take out the old bulb, one to screw in the new bulb, and one to file the old bulb away.
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category: Managers Jokes
A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man in a field down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts,
- "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says,
- "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field."
- "You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
- "I am. How did you know?"
- "Everything you told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."
The man below says,
- "You must be in management."
- "I am. But how did you know?"
- "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
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category: Managers Jokes
The manager of a large corporation got a heart attack, and the doctor told him to go for several weeks to a farm to relax. The guy went to a farm, and after a couple of days he was very bored, so he asked the farmer to give him some job to do. The farmer told him to clean the shit of the cows. The farmer thought that to somebody coming from the city, working the whole life sitting in an office, it will take over a week to finish the job, but for his surprise the manager finished the job in less than one day. The next day the farmer gave to the manager a more difficult job: to cut the heads of 500 chickens. The farmer was sure that the manager will not be able to do the job, but at the end of the day the job was done. The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the manager to divide a bag of potatoes in two boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with big potatoes. At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes were empty. The farmer asked the manager:
- "How is that you made such difficult jobs during the first days, and now you cannot do this simple job?"
The manager answered:
- "Listen, all my life I'm cutting heads and dealing with shit, but now you ask me to make decisions."
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category: Managers Jokes
- How many managers does it take to replace a light bulb?
- Two. One to find out if it needs changing, and one to tell an employee to change it.
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category: Managers Jokes
The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile. The American team was discouraged by the loss, and the corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action. The findings were: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the American team was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive. The following year, the Japanese won the race by two miles! Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.
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category: Managers Jokes
- How many McDonald's restaurant managers does it take to replace a light bulb?
- One, but first he has to watch the training video three times.
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category: Managers Jokes
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