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Marriage Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Marriage Jokes
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- "How can I help you?" the psychiatrist asked the husband.
- "It's her," the man said, nodding toward his wife. "For the last eight months, she has believed herself to be a lawn mower."
- "That is serious," said the shrink. "Why didn't you bring her in sooner?"
- "My neighbor just returned her," replied the man.
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category: Marriage Jokes
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But, she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said,
- "It really works!"
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category: Marriage Jokes
The husband was furious when he found out that the couple's joint checking account was empty. When he confronted his wife, she simply said,
- "It's my turn."
- "What do you mean, 'your turn'?" yelled the husband.
- "In bed," she explained, "you've been making early withdrawals for years. Now, it's my turn."
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category: Marriage Jokes
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating,
- "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said,
- "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
- "My wife's first husband."
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category: Marriage Jokes
- "I got married," said the first tavern regular, "so that I could get laid three or four times a week."
- "That's funny," said another patron. "That's why I got divorced."
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category: Marriage Jokes
Two guys were sitting around talking one day. The first guy said,
- "Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market."
- "Sounds like you may be bitter because she has changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.
The first guy replied,
- "No, I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
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category: Marriage Jokes
A Chinese man had three daughters, and one day he asked his eldest daughter what kind of man she would like to marry.
- "I would like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest," said the eldest daughter.
He then asked his second daughter who she would like to marry.
- "I would like to marry a man with two dragons on his chest," said the second daughter.
The man finally asked his youngest daughter who she would like to marry.
- "I would like to marry a man with one draggin' on the ground," giggled the youngest daughter.
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category: Marriage Jokes
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