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Marriage Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Marriage Jokes
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As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Shapiro became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Shapiro, and said,
- "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Shapiro was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked,
- "I, uh - I didn't pinch that girl."
- "Of course you didn't," said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
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category: Marriage Jokes
One evening, a man walks into a flower shop and says to the florist,
- "I would like some flowers please."
- "Certainly, sir. What did you have in mind?" asks the clerk.
The man shrugs and says,
- "Well, I'm not sure. I uh, I uh, I uh..."
- "Perhaps I could help," interrupts the florist. "What exactly have you done?"
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category: Marriage Jokes
A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
- "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk.
- "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
- "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"
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category: Marriage Jokes
A woman was on the witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband.
- "After you put poison in the coffee, you sat at the breakfast table and watched your husband drink it. Tell me, didn't you feel the slightest bit of pity for him?" the defense attorney prompted.
- "Yes," she replied, "I think there was one moment when I felt sorry for him."
- "And when was that?" asked the smug lawyer.
- "When he asked for his second cup," replied the wife.
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category: Marriage Jokes
A man tells his drinking buddy,
- "Our sex life has really improved since the wife and I got separate beds."
- "How is that possible, Frank?" his friend asked.
- "Well, we have them in different apartments," Frank replied.
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category: Marriage Jokes
Last winter, a man came down with the flu and was forced to stay home one day. He was glad for the interlude, because it taught him how much his wife loved him. She was so thrilled to have him around, that when a delivery man or the mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled,
- "My husband's home! My husband's home!"
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category: Marriage Jokes
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 20th wedding anniversary. The husband gave his wife a gift - a tombstone, with the inscription:
- "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever."
Later the furious wife bought a return present, also a tombstone, on which the inscription read:
- "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last."
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category: Marriage Jokes
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