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Marriage Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Marriage Jokes
show: 29 - 35 z 113
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After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband,
- "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?"
The flattered husband said,
- "No, dear they haven't."
Then the wife yells,
- "Then what the heck gave you that idea at the party tonight?"
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category: Marriage Jokes
It was with much wringing of hands that Rachael discovered her husband, Hymie, had a mistress. Rachael, however, was not the sort to kill the goose that lays golden eggs. Rather, she decided to find out what the mistress had that she didn't. After a long interrogation, Hymie finally relented.
- "Well, to tell you the truth, Rachael, you are too cold. When we make love you don't do anything. You just lay there, whereas she moans and groans with feeling."
- "Is that all?" thought Rachael. "Is that all there is to it?"
That night she dressed in her most alluring lingerie, slipped Hymie a shot of his favorite cognac and got him into bed. Halfway through the business, she decided to give him her most passionate moans and groans.
- "Oh Hymie, darling," she began. "I've had the most terrible day. Our shares dropped two points. The washing machine broke down. You don't give me enough housekeeping money..."
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category: Marriage Jokes
One Sunday morning, a guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. He was looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. The guy was driving his partner absolutely nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says,
- "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers,
- "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
To that, the guy's partner responds,
- "Forget it, man. You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
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category: Marriage Jokes
Stanley was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player, who was known primarily for his lack of I.Q. and common knowledge. He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face.
- "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
Stanley's wife replied,
- "Why thank you, dear!"
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category: Marriage Jokes
The wife yelled at her husband,
- "You're gonna be really sorry! I'm going to leave you!"
He responded,
- "Make up your mind! Which one is it gonna be?"
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category: Marriage Jokes
One evening, Brian O'Malley walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
- "Excuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what O'Malley had done. "What is that all about?"
- "Nothing," said the Irishman. "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."
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category: Marriage Jokes
- What is the definition of a Shotgun wedding?
- A case of wife or death.
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category: Marriage Jokes
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