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Medical Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Medical Jokes
show: 15 - 21 z 36
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Patient:
- I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor:
- Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient:
- Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.
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category: Medical Jokes
A fellow walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said,
- "Shingles."
So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. A few minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked him what he had. He said,
- "Shingles."
So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room. Ten minutes later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said,
- "Shingles."
So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. Fifteen minutes later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said,
- "Shingles."
The doctor said,
- "Where?"
He said,
- "Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?"
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category: Medical Jokes
Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different.
A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful.
- "Doc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!"
- "That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?"
- "I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!"
- "One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously.
- "Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist."
- "A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?"
- "Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed."
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category: Medical Jokes
A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it.
Doctor:
- Your tonsils gotta come out.
Patient:
- I wanna second opinion.
Doctor:
- Okay, you're ugly, too.
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category: Medical Jokes
Patient:
- Doctor, I think I need glasses.
Teller:
- You certainly do! This is a bank.
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category: Medical Jokes
Patient:
- Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?
Doctor:
- No need for that. You will find that in your bill.
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category: Medical Jokes
A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.
- Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!
- Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!
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category: Medical Jokes
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