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Medical Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Medical Jokes
show: 29 - 35 z 36
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A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter. The guy next to him asked:
- "Why are you laughing?"
- "I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
- "What's so funny about that?"
- "I'm a gynecologist."
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category: Medical Jokes
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said,
- "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.
- "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
- "Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.
- "If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife,
- "What did the doctor say?"
- "He said you're going to die," she replied.
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category: Medical Jokes
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said,
- "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."
- "In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober"
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category: Medical Jokes
A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging. Dentist:
- Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient:
- Why? Docor, it wasn't all that bad this time.
Dentist:
- There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.
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category: Medical Jokes
I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money. The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer's group. Funny though, they forgot to put my street name on them!
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category: Medical Jokes
There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the doctor. The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine. The next day the doctor called and the wife answered.
- "I'm going to need to run a few more tests", the doctor said.
- "I'm going to need a semen, urine and a fecal sample".
After she hung up the husband asked
- "What did the doctor say?"
- "He needs a pair of your underwear".
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category: Medical Jokes
Q: What's the definition of a healthy virgin?
A: "One who has never been bed-ridden!"
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category: Medical Jokes
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