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Medical Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Medical Jokes
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- What is an outpatient?
- A person who has already passed out.
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category: Medical Jokes
- What do you get when 2 hearts fight?
- A heart attack!
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category: Medical Jokes
Doctor:
- I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient:
- Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor:
- The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient:
- 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
Doctor:
- I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
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category: Medical Jokes
The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic is that, while a psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5, a neurotic knows the answer is 4, but it worries him.
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category: Medical Jokes
A man goes to his doctor and says,
- "I don't think my wife's hearing isn't as good as it used to be. What should I do?"
The doctor replies,
- "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says,
- "What's for dinner, honey?"
He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. still no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says,
- "Honey, what's for dinner?"
She replies,
- "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!"
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category: Medical Jokes
- What is a double-blind study?
- Two orthopedists reading an electrocardiogram.
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category: Medical Jokes
A lady rushes into the veterinarian and screams,
- "I found my dog unconscious and I can't wake him - do something."
The vet lays the dog on the examination table and after a few simple tests he says,
- "I'm sorry, I don't feel a pulse, I'm afraid your dog is dead".
The lady can't accept this and says,
- "No, no, he can't be dead - do something else."
The vet goes into the other room, and comes back with a little cat. The cat jumps up on the table and starts sniffing the dog from head to toe. It sniffs and sniffs up and down the dog, then all of a sudden just stops and jumps off the table and leaves.
- "Well, that confirms it," the vet says, "your dog is dead."
The lady is very upset but finally settles down.
- "Okay, I guess you're right. How much do I owe you?" The vet says, "That will be $340."
The lady has a fit and asks,
- "Why is it so much? After all the vet didn't do anything for the dog."
- "Well", the vet replied, "it's $40 for the office visit and $300 for the CAT SCAN!"
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category: Medical Jokes
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