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Military Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Military Jokes
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A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.
- "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?" asked the captain.
- "Throw out an anchor, sir." replied the naval student.
- "What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?" asked the captain.
- "Throw out another anchor, sir." answered the student.
- "And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do?" asked the captain.
- "Throw out another anchor." replied the student.
- "Hold on," said the Captain. "Where are you getting all your anchors from?"
The naval student replied,
- "From the same place you're getting all of your storms, sir."
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category: Military Jokes
During the Mexican American War, an intense long standoff occurred along the front. For days and days neither side made any advances. Finally, an American general had a bright idea. He aimed his rifle to the Mexican trenches and yelled,
- "Hey, Juan!"
A soldier jumped up and replied,
- "What?"
The general shot him dead. This continued for three days. A Mexican general decided that two could play this game and decided to try it out. He called out,
- "Hey, John!"
An American replied,
- "John isn't here. Is that you Juan?"
The Mexican general stood up,
- "Yeah"
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category: Military Jokes
In the 1970's, before women were allowed to sign up for combat duty, a man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised herself as a man and was able to join the army.
- "But, wait a minute," said one listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?"
- "Sure," replied the man.
- "Well, won't they find out?" asked his friend.
The man shrugged and replied,
- "But who will tell?"
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category: Military Jokes
A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson and music books. Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and through the front door.
- "Oh darling" he gushed, "Come here. Let me look at you. Let me hold you! Let's have a fine dinner out, then make love all night. I've missed your lovin' so much."
The wife, keeping her distance, said,
- "All in good time lover. First, let's hear you play that harmonica."
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category: Military Jokes
The scene: A Marine Basic Training Camp. One morning the Captain calls Sargent Black into his office and tells him,
- "When you line up the troops this morning you need to inform Private Jones that his mother died."
- "Yes Sir!" says Black.
That morning as the men were lined up Black bellows out,
- "Hup, hey, ho, ho. Jones your mother died."
Jones falls over with a heart attack. A month later the Captain calls Black into his office and says,
- "Black, you need to tell Private Smith his mother died. But this time us e some tact. I don't want to loose another good recruit."
- "Yes Sir!" Black answers.
This time when the men are lined up Black yells out,
- "Okay. All you men with living mothers take one step forward - Not So Fast Smith!"
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category: Military Jokes
There was a young man in the Air Force who was so well- endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation. The first doctor said,
- "We'll just take a big hunk off the end."
They discussed it and decided that would affect his sensitivity. The second doctor said,
- "We'll just take a big hunk out of the middle of it."
They discussed this, and decided it would change the texture and feel of it. The third doctor said,
- "We'll just take a big hunk off the base of it."
They discussed this, too, and agreed that it might give him erection problems. The doctors heard a sniffling, and looked over at the nurse who had tears running down her cheeks. The nurse cried,
- "Can't we just make his legs longer?"
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category: Military Jokes
The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety.
- "Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses."
- "Warehouses?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!"
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category: Military Jokes
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