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Military Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Military Jokes
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A General retired after 35 years and realized a life-long dream of buying a bird-hunting estate in South Dakota. He invited an old friend to visit for a week of pheasant shooting. The friend was in awe of the General's new bird dog, "Sarge." The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best, and the friend offered to buy the dog at any price. The General declined, saying that Sarge was the very best bird dog he had ever owned and that he wouldn't part with him at any price. A year later the same friend returned for another week of hunting and was surprised to find the General breaking in a new dog.
- "What happened to ole "Sarge?" he asked.
- "Had to shoot him," grumbled the General. "A friend came to hunt with me and couldn't remember the dog's name. He kept calling him Colonel. After that, all he would do was sit on his ass and bark."
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category: Military Jokes
The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.
- "Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.
- "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily.
- "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..."
- "Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down."
- "No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them."
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category: Military Jokes
An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says
- "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"
So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked
- "How did you do it?"
- "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier,
- "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
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category: Military Jokes
The Captain called the Sergeant in.
- "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops.
- "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."
Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office.
- "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"
- "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.
A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with,
- "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation.
- "Ok, men, fall in and listen up."
- "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward."
- "Not so fast, McGrath!"
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category: Military Jokes
An old man saw a very tired infantryman resting after a hard foot march. The man said with disdain:
- "When I was of your age I thought nothing of a ten-mile hike."
- "Well, I don't think much of it either," replied the GI.
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category: Military Jokes
Private Milton went to psychiatrist and complained:
- "I have an inferiority complex."
- "Nothing I can do for you", said the doc. "In the Army privates don't have an inferiority complex... they're just inferior..."
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category: Military Jokes
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class:
- "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
- "Sure. That's easy," said one man.
- "What is it?"
- "H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
- "What, what?" reasked the instructor.
- "H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
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category: Military Jokes
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