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Military Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Military Jokes
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Two Marines were sitting around talking one day. The first Marine asked the second Marine,
- "If they were to drop a bomb right now, what would be the first thing you would do?"
The second Marine said,
- "I would screw the first thing that moved. What would you do?"
The first Marine replied,
- "I would stand very still for half an hour."
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category: Military Jokes
One afternoon, a Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves and both of their barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces. The Admiral shouted,
- "Hey, don't put that crap on me. My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said,
- "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
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category: Military Jokes
There were two guys in the Army. One day one of the guys gets a letter from his mother, and after reading it he becomes very sad. His friend (the other guy) asked him what was wrong. The first guy responded by handing him the letter. So the second guy reads that his friend's mother had written that the first guy's girlfriend was in bed with arthritis.
- "Well," the friend said to the first guy. "That's not so bad."
The first guy turns to him and says,
- "Yeah. That's what you think. I know those Ritus boys and Art is the worst one!"
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category: Military Jokes
We've all heard tales about how this branch of the military, or that one, is the toughest. Well, let me tell y'all about one of the strictest unit commanders ever to serve in the US Navy. It was the policy of our Commanding Officer that he, and he alone would approve any and all leave. I approached him one day and asked for time off to get married in a few months. He looked me straight in the eye, and said,
- "Denied. Son, if we would have wanted you to have a wife, we would have issued you one!"
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category: Military Jokes
- How is being in the army like a blow job?
- The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
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category: Military Jokes
During the 1960's, when the draft law could induct most young men into military service, the announcement was made that very few (if any) married men would be drafted, war or not. One Army recruiting office fought back by posting a sign that read:
- "Better two years than life."
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category: Military Jokes
When the very curvaceous female midshipman at the Naval Academy noticed that one of the men she was inspecting during formation had an erection, she said to him,
- "And what do you call that trouser bulge, mister?"
The sailor looked her straight in the eye as he replied,
- "It's a one-gun salute, ma'am."
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category: Military Jokes
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