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Office Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Office Jokes
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When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
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category: Office Jokes
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
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category: Office Jokes
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.
- "I should be in charge", said the brain, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".
- "I should be in charge", said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over, so without me you'd all waste away".
- "I should be in charge", said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy".
- "I should be in charge", said the rectum, "because I'm responsible for waste removal".
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss. The moral of the story?
- You don't have to be smart or important to be in charge... just an asshole.
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category: Office Jokes
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
- "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
- "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Moral of the story:
- Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
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category: Office Jokes
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him,
- "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered:
- "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story is:
- To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
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category: Office Jokes
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT,
- "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The candidate said,
- "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The HR Person said,
- "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said,
- "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"
And the HR Person said,
- "Certainly, ...but you started it."
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category: Office Jokes
For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him,
- "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself."
And the boss said,
- "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"
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category: Office Jokes
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