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Parent Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Parent Jokes
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A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly,
- "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long."
He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said,
- "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."
The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said,
- "Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her.
- "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen..."
The mother broke in,
- "My little girl's name is Tammy... I'm Ellen."
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category: Parent Jokes
There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was her brother. When the mother came out of her coma to find she had given birth and that her brother had named the twins, she became very worried, because he wasn't a very bright guy. She was sure he had named them something absurd or stupid. When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins. He said,
- "The first one was a girl."
The mother:
- "What did you name her?!?"
Brother:
- "Denise!"
The Mom:
- "Oh, wow, that's not bad! What about the second one?"
Brother:
- "The second one was a boy."
The Mom:
- "Oh, and what did you name him?"
Brother:
- "Denephew"
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category: Parent Jokes
For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children. She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren.
- "Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"
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category: Parent Jokes
Jimmy's mom dragged him in front of his dad during the football game.
- "Talk to your son," she said. "He refuses to obey a word I say."
The father turned to Jimmy angrily.
- "Jimmy, how dare you disobey your mother?. Do you think you're better than your old man?"
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category: Parent Jokes
- "Daddy, what's telepathy?"
- "It's when two people are thinking the same thought at the same time."
- "Like you and mommy?"
- "No, son, when mommy and I are thinking the same thought, that's called coincidence."
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category: Parent Jokes
My Dad bought my Mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.
- "Oh," said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."
- "How come?" I asked.
- "Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing...."
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category: Parent Jokes
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally they reached the ticket window.
- "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."
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category: Parent Jokes
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