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Parent Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Parent Jokes
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A Teenager is...
A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.
A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.
A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday.
Someone who can hear a song by Madonna played three blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.
A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed.
A student who will spend 12 minutes studying for her history exam and 12 hours for her driver's license.
A youngster who is well informed about anything he doesn't have to study.
An enthusiast who has the energy to ride a bike for miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.
A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud.
A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates her brother.
A person who is always late for dinner but always on time for a rock concert.
A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.
A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.
A boy who can sleep until noon on any Saturday when he suspects the lawn needs mowing.
An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.
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category: Parent Jokes
This reminds me of something yesterday at work. A colleague was relating a conversation he had with his young daughter, just a bit over 2 years old. They were discussing geography and...
- "Where does mommy live?"
- "Minneapolis."
- "Where does grandma live?"
- "Baltimore."
- "Where does grandpa live?"
- "Baltimore."
- "And where does daddy live?"
- "At work!"
Needless to say, he took the morning off that next day...
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category: Parent Jokes
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said:
- "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
- "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said:
- "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
- "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
- "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
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category: Parent Jokes
The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.
- "Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."
- "Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"
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category: Parent Jokes
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.
- "Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"
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category: Parent Jokes
There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat. Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says,
- "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"
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category: Parent Jokes
The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.
- "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower."
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category: Parent Jokes
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