| 
People Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - People Jokes
show: 1 - 7 z 12
<< | < | 1 2 | > | >>
The Queen visits a mental hospital and goes to the first ward. The first patient she sees is sitting up and with his left hand he seems to be grabbing something from the air. She asks,
- "What are you doing?"
The patient replies,
- "I'm taking the stars from the sky!"
She then proceeds over to the second patient and he seems to be inserting something into the air. She asks,
- "What are you doing love?"
The second patient replies,
- "I'm putting the stars back in the sky!"
Finally she reaches the third patient and he's sitting up pretending he's a rally driver and is making high speed noises. She asks him,
- "What the hell are you up to?"
The patient replies,
- "I'm trying to get away from these two nutters, they're fuckin' mental!"
____________________________________
category: People Jokes
A Frenchman, a British and a Newfie are waiting patiently at the top of a ten storey building which is burning up pretty fast. Finally the fire department get there only to find out that the fire truck ladder doesn't reach the building rooftop. The firmen then decided to get the old blanket out so that the guys could jump. They pulled the blanket up and signaled the three men to jump. The men looked at each other wondering who was going to go first. The Frenchman decides to go and has he jumps he yells out:
- "Vive la France!"
Hearing this, the firmen bellow let the blanket go and the Frenchman hits the pavement. The firmen pulled the blanket back up and signaled the two remaining guys to jump. The British decides to jump and as he jumps he yells out:
- "God save the Queen!"
Hearing this, the firemen bellow, again, let the blanket go and the British hits pavement. Finally the firemen pulled the blanket again and signaled the Newfie to jump. The Newf replies:
- "Are you kiddin' me, I saw what you guys did to my two friends. Gently spread the blanket on the ground and back up".
____________________________________
category: People Jokes
Two police officers saw an old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the old woman where she lived, all the old lady would say as she stroked the officers arm is,
- "You're Passionate."
They drove awhile longer and asked again, but again the same response as she stroked his arm,
- "You're Passionate."
The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman,
- "Look we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live!"
She replied,
- "I keep trying to tell you, you're passin it!"
____________________________________
category: People Jokes
An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies. Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled,
- "Don`t touch those, they're for the funeral!"
____________________________________
category: People Jokes
An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him:
- "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"
Patient:
- "Well, give me the bad news first."
Doctor:
- "You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left."
Patient:
- "OH NO! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???"
Doctor:
- "You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you."
____________________________________
category: People Jokes
- How do wealthy people dance?
- Check-to-check!
____________________________________
category: People Jokes
- How do mad scientists freshen their breath?
- With experi-mints!
____________________________________
category: People Jokes
<< | < | 1 2 | > | >> | |
