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Police Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Police Jokes
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The phone rings at FBI headquarters:
- "Hello?"
- "Hello, is this FBI?" asks the voice on the phone.
- "Yes. What do you want?" asks the FBI operator.
- "I'm calling to report my neighbor, Timothy O'Leary. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."
- "This will be noted," came the reply from the FBI.
The next day, the FBI comes over to Tim's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tim, and leave. A little bit later, the phone rings at Tim's house.
- "Hey, Tim! Did the FBI come?"
- "Yeah!" said Tim.
- "Did they chop your firewood?" asked the voice on the phone.
- "Yeah they did." replied Tim.
- "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
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category: Police Jokes
A police officer pulled a car over for speeding, and as he's writing the ticket, the officer looks at the driver carefully and says,
- "Sir, I can't help but notice that your eyes are very bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The driver stares up at the officer and says,
- "Officer, I can't help but notice that your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating donuts?"
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category: Police Jokes
- "But officer," protested the teenage boy from the parked car. "We were only necking."
- "Okay," said the cop. "Just put your neck back in your pants and get the heck outta here."
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category: Police Jokes
Two old men, who were life-long friends, ran into each other on a street corner one afternoon and began talking. The first old gent asked the other old gent,
- "Where have you been for the last couple of months?"
The second old gent replied,
- "Oh, I was in jail."
The first old man said,
- "Oh, so, you were in jail? How come?"
The second old gent replied,
- "Well, about two months ago I was standing on a corner, and this beautiful young woman rushed up with a policeman, pointed to me and said, "He is the man officer. He is the one who attacked and raped me."
The first old guy responded,
- "What? And, you let her got away with it?"
And, the second old gentleman answered,
- "Well, I'll tell you - I felt so flattered, that I admitted to it."
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category: Police Jokes
One afternoon, an older gentleman was driving down the freeway when all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, he was pulled over by a state trooper in hot pursuit. The police officer strutted up to the driver's window and asked the old gentleman,
- "Sir, didn't you know that your wife had fallen out of your car about four or five miles back?"
The old driver exclaimed,
- "Thank Goodness! What a relief! I thought that I had gone deaf."
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category: Police Jokes
One evening, two Alabama State Trooper patrol cars were in hot pursuit of a Chevy Camaro going east on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect vehicle crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly. The rookie Trooper pulled over right behind him and asked,
- "Hey Sarge, why the heck did you stop? We almost had that guy and his girlfriend."
The Sarge replied,
- "You stupid rookie! That Camaro is in Georgia now. They are an hour ahead of us, so we'll never be able to catch 'em."
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category: Police Jokes
A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he had changed his statement after he had given it to the police.
- "For example," the judge said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom."
When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him,
- "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?"
- "What?" asked the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"
- "I gave it to the first one," said the wife. "He knew exactly where it was."
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category: Police Jokes
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