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Police Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Police Jokes
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A police officer arrived at an accident scene where, apparently, three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall downtown building. The cop suddenly notices that one of the blondes is still breathing. So the cop approached the accident victim and asked,
- "Why in the hell did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?"
The surviving blonde answered in a very weak voice,
- "We just wanted to try out our new maxi-pads, with wings."
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category: Police Jokes
This elderly spinster called the police.
- "My next door neighbor is exposing himself. Oh my," she continued, "he's just standing there, big as you please, taking a shower with his window shades up!"
The squad car arrived immediately to catch the evil culprit in the act. She led the cop into her bedroom and pointed out her window.
- "See what I mean, officer."
The policeman scratched his head and said,
- "Ma'am, I can only see the top of his head above his window sill."
The lady replied,
- "Crazy fool, you got to get on up on that dresser over there."
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category: Police Jokes
One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. The passenger, Bubba, said,
- "Looky thar up ahead Earl. It's a po-leece roadblock. We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"
- "Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat."
- "What fer?" asked Bubba.
- "Just let me do the talking, okay?" said Earl.
They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said,
- "Have you boys been drinking?"
- "No sir." said Earl. "We're on the patch."
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category: Police Jokes
A whorehouse gets busted by the local police department. The girls are lined up out front, and a cop is going down the line giving them all tickets. A little old lady approaches one of the girls at the end of the line and asks,
- "Why are all of you lovely ladies here in line like this?"
The smart-ass whore explains,
- "Lady, we're waiting in line for our lollipops."
- "Oh, that's nice, dear," said the little old lady. "I haven't had one of them in so long. I think I'll get in line, too."
A few minutes later, the cop is standing in front of the little old lady, and asks,
- "Lady, aren't you a little old for this?"
She looks him right in the eye and says,
- "Sonny, as long as they keep making 'em, I'm gonna keep sucking 'em."
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category: Police Jokes
A man walked out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A street cop on his beat sees the guy and approaches him.
- "Can I help you, sir?" said the cop.
- "Yesssh! Ssssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replied.
The policeman asked,
- "Where was the car the last time you saw it?"
- "It wassss at the end of thisss key." the man replied.
About that time, the officer looked down to see that the man's "thing" was hanging out of his fly for all the world to see. He asked the man,
- "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
The man looked down woefully and without missing a beat, moans
- "Oh, God. They got my girlfriend too!"
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category: Police Jokes
A young dating couple were driving down the road in a very busy area, when things started to get somewhat passionate. So they decided to pull over and park and have some fun. Things were really getting hot, and they were not paying any attention to what was going on outside. All of a sudden a policeman was tapping on their window. The cop could hardly contain himself.
- "Didn't you know that you are not suppose to be having sex in public?" he asked the couple.
Being embarrassed at being caught, they said yes and apologized.
- "Well," the cop said, "I will have to write you a ticket."
So the cop wrote the ticket and reminded them next time to watch their behavior. After getting dressed, the girlfriend asked her boyfriend what the policeman wrote the ticket for. Her boyfriend replied,
- "Doing 69 in a 35 zone."
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category: Police Jokes
This Policeman pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.
- "I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
- "Not according to my radar," the officer replied.
- "Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
- "No you weren't!" the policeman said, starting to get annoyed. With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said,
- "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."
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category: Police Jokes
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