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Police Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Police Jokes
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A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate.
- "I've got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?"
- "I should let you know first that I am a policeman."
- "That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!"
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category: Police Jokes
A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thundered
- "It is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here to a place of execution and there hanged by the neck until DEAD."
The drunk promptly fainted. The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man, and looked up at the judge, at which time the judge shrugged and responded
- "I've always wanted to do that."
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category: Police Jokes
A tourist asks a man in uniform,
- "Are you a policeman?"
- "No, I am an undercover detective."
- "So why are you in uniform?"
- "Today is my day off."
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category: Police Jokes
- How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs?
- None. He fell.
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category: Police Jokes
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said,
- "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
- "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise,
- "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"
- "Yeah, so?" said the officer.
- "Well what the heck are you doing all dressed like the Fire Chief?"
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category: Police Jokes
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says,
- "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."
The man replies
- "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."
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category: Police Jokes
A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. 200 yards further he's stopped by a police officer. Officer:
- "Good evening sir. We're testing drivers for drunken driving. Would you please blow into this machine?".
Man:
- "I'm sorry, I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow on that machine I will get out of air".
- "Please come along to the office and we can give you a blood test."
- "I can't do that. I have anemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death".
- "Then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line".
- "Can't do that either."
- "Why not?"
- "Because I'm dead drunk!"
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category: Police Jokes
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