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Police Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Police Jokes
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A policeman stops a lady and asks her for her driver's license and registration. The cop says,
- "Lady, it says here on your license that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered,
- "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied,
- "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket anyway."
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category: Police Jokes
A young blonde woman, named Anna Bowie, called the local police department and reported that she had recently been assaulted. The sheriff's department officer who answered the phone, asked,
- "When did this happen, Miss Bowie?"
Anna replied,
- "Sir, it happened last week."
The county deputy sheriff then asked,
- "Why did you wait until now to report it?"
- "Well," Miss Bowie replied. "I didn't know that I was assaulted until the check bounced."
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category: Police Jokes
Lots of things go on during "spring break" as the college students like to let off a little steam. This one student was arrested by the local cops for indecent exposure in a field near the beach, and was now in court appearing before a judge. The student said,
- "I plead not guilty, your Honor. I only went there to get relieved," he testified.
- "Well, I'm inclined to accept your explanation," said the judge. "I guess some allowances must be made for 'emergencies'."
- "That's true to a point, your Honor," said the arresting officer. "But what about this young lady here who relieved him?"
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category: Police Jokes
Yesterday evening, a Baptist minister was forced to a stop by a traffic cop for speeding and was pulled over. As the cop was about to write the ticket, the minister said to the cop,
- "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy."
The policeman handed the minister the ticket and said,
- "Go thou and sin no more."
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category: Police Jokes
A small boy was unfortunately lost, so the kid went up to a policeman and said,
- "I have lost my Daddy!"
The copper asked the lad,
- "What's he like?"
The little boy replied,
- "Beer and women!"
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category: Police Jokes
Last month, a man placed a 911 call to his local police station and calmly reported to the police operator,
- "My wife, Gertrude, is missing."
The switchboard officer asked,
- "Sir, how long has your wife been gone?"
The husband replied,
- "I think about one month."
- "Why did you wait so long to report it?" asked the policeman.
The husband replied,
- "Well... Until yesterday, I thought it was just a dream."
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category: Police Jokes
The woman in question, a very cute blonde as it happened, was pulled over for speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book, she said,
- "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball."
The cop replied,
- "No, ma'am. Highway patrolmen don't have balls."
There followed a moment of silence while she smiled, as the officer began to realize what he had said. Closing his book, the cop walked back to his motorcycle, got on, and left without another word. After several minutes, the blonde finally stopped laughing long enough to start her car and leave.
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category: Police Jokes
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