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Political Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Political Jokes
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A Guy walks into a store. He sees three brains on display. One is a Libertarian Brain, priced at $250. The second is a Democrat Brain, priced at $275. The third is a Republican Brain, priced at $5,000,000. The Guy asks the sales clerk,
- "Man, why does the Republican brain cost so much more than the other two?"
Clerk replies,
- "Well, sir, that brain has never been used."
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category: Political Jokes
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are. The first one says:
- "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".
The second one says:
- "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says:
- "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!!"
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category: Political Jokes
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said,
- "Someone may steal from it at night."
So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job. Then Congress said,
- "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"
So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies. Then Congress said,
- "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"
So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then Congress said,
- "How are these people going to get paid?"
So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people. Then Congress said,
- "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"
So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary. Then Congress said,
- "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."
So they laid off the night watchman.
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category: Political Jokes
George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him.
- "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?" Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks,
- "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed.
- "You really *are* Einstein! Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn't hesitate.
- "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"
Saint Peter says,
- "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk. Saint Peter claps.
- "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!"
The last to arrive is George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head.
- "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
George W. looks bewildered,
- "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs,
- "Come on in, George."
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category: Political Jokes
US President George Bush made an official announcement today regarding his plans for when Gulf War 2 is over. First on the list was the division of Iraq into three provinces: Leaded, Unleaded and Diesel.
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category: Political Jokes
Saddam has just made a reportedly live TV appearance. He said,
- "To prove I am still alive, Liverpool were a bag of shite on Saturday".
The British Government claim that it could have been recorded months ago.
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category: Political Jokes
A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself,
- "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving."
He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks,
- "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"
The Officer replies,
- "The President is just so depressed about the impeachment thing he stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking round taking up a collection for him."
- "Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"
- "So far only about three hundred gallons but I've got a lot of folks still siphoning."
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category: Political Jokes
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