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Political Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Political Jokes
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Reagan, Nixon and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly. Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc. Reagan shouts:
- "Women and children first."
Nixon goes:
- "Fuck the women."
Clinton:
- "Do you think we have time?"
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category: Political Jokes
After Bill Clinton Dies he goes directly to Hell. Upon arriving he is met by Satan, who informs him that Hell is currently full but since he REALLY deserves to be there, they will make special arrangements by letting someone else leave to make room for Bill. And, as a special favor, he will be given a choice of people to replace. Satan then leads Bill to a room with three doors. The first door opens. Behind the door is Newt Gingrich. He's being worked over with a blowtorch. Upon seeing Newt in this predicament, Clinton cringes and says,
- "That looks painful. I don't think this is for me."
The second door opens. Behind door 2 is Ted Kennedy. His skin is being stripped off with a pair of pliers. Grimacing at the bloody scene, Clinton again says,
- "I don't think this is for me."
The third door opens and behind it is Ken Starr. He is naked and bound hand and foot. Kneeling before him is Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
- "I can handle that!" Clinton proclaims enthusiastically.
- "Very well," says Satan. "Monica, you've been pardoned - you may go now."
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category: Political Jokes
One day Bill Clinton was out jogging and he accidentally tripped and fell off a bridge into the cold water below. Three 10 year old boys were playing along the river and saw him fall in so they all jumped in and dragged him to shore.
Clinton was so thankful that he told each of them,
- "Boys, you just saved the President of the United States and each of you deserve a reward. You guys just name it."
The first boy says,
- "I want to go to Disneyland!"
- "I'll take you there myself in Air Force One!" exclaims Bill.
The second boy says,
- "I want a brand new pair of autographed Nike Air Jordan's."
- "I'll buy them for you myself," says Bill.
- "And I want a motorized wheelchair with a stereo built into it with custom speakers" the third boy says.
The president looks at the boy and says,
- "But, son, you don't look like you are handicapped to me."
The boy replies,
- "I'm going to be when my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"
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category: Political Jokes
A little boy goes to his dad and asks,
- "What is politics?"
Dad says,
- "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father,
- "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says,
- "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies,
- "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."
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category: Political Jokes
Before his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe,
- "How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?"
Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him a bill for $200. Clinton gasped,
- "You took too long, it doesn't look that great, and it is costing me ten times more than you said!"
Christophe replied,
- "That makes us even."
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category: Political Jokes
Bill and Hillary were going down a back road and stopped at a gas station. As the worker was filling up their car, he said to Hillary
- "I went to high school with you". She recognized him and agreed with him.
Later as they were driving down the road Bill said
- "If you had married him you wouldn't be married to the President".
Hillary said
- "Oh yes I would--he would be President."
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category: Political Jokes
Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans. Bill:
- "Why don't I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy."
Hillary:
- "Well, why don't you throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people happy."
Al:
- "Why don't you two jump out the window and make me and Tipper happy."
Tipper:
- "Why don't we all jump out the window and make everybody throughout the United States and world happy."
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category: Political Jokes
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