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Psychiatrist Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Psychiatrist Jokes
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Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead? In reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive. Nothing seemed to work. Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.
- "Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.
- "Yes, I do," the patient replied.
- "Very well, then," the doctor said.
He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood. The doctor asked,
- "What does that tell you?"
- "Oh my goodness!" the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger ... "Dead men do bleed!!"
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category: Psychiatrist Jokes
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten greatgrandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back and said,
- "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."
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category: Psychiatrist Jokes
- Did you hear one about the Psychiatric Chiropractor?
- He specializes in attitude adjustments!
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category: Psychiatrist Jokes
Patient:
- Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages.
Psychiatrist:
- Nonsense! I like sausages too.
Patient:
- Good, you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them.
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category: Psychiatrist Jokes
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session,
- "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."
- "Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."
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category: Psychiatrist Jokes
In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other,
- "Why are you here?"
The second answers,
- "I'm Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here."
The first is curious and asks,
- "How do you know that you're Napoleon?"
The second responds,
- "God told me I was."
At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts,
- "NO I DIDN'T!"
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category: Psychiatrist Jokes
A man who thinks he's George Washington has been seeing a psychiatrist. He finishes up one session by telling him,
- "Tomorrow, we'll cross the Delaware and surprise them when they least expect it."
As soon as he's gone, the psychiatrist picks up the phone and says,
- "King George, this is Benedict Arnold. I have the plans."
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category: Psychiatrist Jokes
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