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Pun Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Pun Jokes
show: 22 - 28 z 33
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One afternoon, a little old lady was crossing a busy road at the crosswalk. Mr. T is speeding down the road in the A-Team van. He sees the little old lady too late and slams on the brakes, skidding to a halt just inches from her. The aerials on the van whip forward, slashing her badly. She's rushed to hospital where the doctor takes a careful look at her wounds and utters those immortal words:
- "This must be the worst case of van-aerial disease I've ever seen!"
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category: Pun Jokes
A man's out-of-state business trip was rather suddenly cancelled, and he is at home with a rather nervous wife. The couple goes to bed, but at about midnight the telephone rings. The man rolls over and answers it.
- "Hello?"
- "What?" asked the husband.
- "How the hell should I know? I live in Phoenix," continues the husband.
He hangs up the phone and his wife asks,
- "Who was it dear?"
The husband replied,
- "Just a wrong number - Some idiot who wanted to know if the coast was clear."
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category: Pun Jokes
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day and confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He confessed that he had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
- "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
- "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
- "Oh, Bill, you didn't?" his wife asked.
- "Yes, I did." replied Bill.
- "My God, Bill, what happened?" she asked.
- "I got fired," replied Bill.
His wife said,
- "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
And, Bill replied,
- "Oh, she got fired too."
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category: Pun Jokes
One day, a guy goes into a tattoo parlor and gets a tattoo of a $50.00 bill on his penis. When he told his friend about it, his friend asked,
- "Why in the world did you do that?"
The first guy replied,
- "Well, for three reasons: 1. I like to watch my money grow. 2. I also like to play with my money. 3. When my wife goes shopping, she always asks for $50.00 to blow."
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category: Pun Jokes
There was this couple doing yard work, and the wife stops to go up and take a shower. So the guy is looking for the rake and yells to his wife, who looks out of the upstairs bathroom window,
- "Where's the rake?"
She can't hear him, so he points to his eye (I), points to his knee (need) and then makes raking motions.
- "What?" she yells. So he goes through the whole routine again.
She nods like she gets it and then points to her eye, squeezes her left breast, slaps her ass and then rubs her crotch. Her husband is somewhat confused, but totally aroused, so he quickly goes in the house, up the stairs, and into the bathroom.
- "What did you say?"
She answered,
- "I said, 'Eye, left tit, behind, the bush.'"
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category: Pun Jokes
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. The beech says to the birch,
- "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands in the sapling. The birch says,
- "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies,
- "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
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category: Pun Jokes
An old Italian couple were walking around in the mall. After a while they got separated, so the woman went up to the first saleswoman she saw and asked,
- "Escusa me, have you seenna me Tony. He's got a bigga belly and a lots of curly black hair?"
The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband. So the Italian woman went to ask another saleswoman,
- "Escusa me, have you seenna me Tony. He's got a bigga belly and a lots of curly black hair?"
- "No, I'm sorry ma'am, I haven't seen your husband." replied the second clerk.
The Italian woman goes to see one more saleswoman and asks,
- "Escusa me, have you seenna me Tony. He's got a bigga belly and a lots of curly black hair?"
The saleswoman answers,
- "Yes I saw him, he ran out of here lickety-split."
To which the Italian woman answers,
- "No. No. No! That's not a me Tony. He pinch-a the bum, grabba the breasts but he no lickety split!"
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category: Pun Jokes
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