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Pun Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Pun Jokes
show: 29 - 33 z 33
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One evening, a young buck went into a large discount store for a packet of condoms.
- "Have you tried the rainbow ones?" asked the assistant, "We've got red ones, blue ones, green ones, orange ones, yellow ones, plus a few other different colors."
- "I'll try the lot," said the young man adventurously.
Six months later, the young guy appeared in the same store with a rather sorry looking young girl asking for maternity dresses. The same assistant served them asking,
- "What bust, madam?"
- "The blue one!" the young man said sadly.
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category: Pun Jokes
A rather bookish young man goes into a whorehouse to seek entertainment. He goes up to the madam and says,
- "Madam, I'd like a woman for the evening."
The Madam says,
- "Sir, I'm afraid all the girls are taken tonight, but if you'd care to, I'm available."
So the guy and the madam go into a bedroom and get undressed. As he takes off his clothes, she looks him over and she notices that, flaccid, he's only two inches long. But then the guy says,
- "Rise, Caesar!"
And his thing rises to a full 12 inches. So they have a great time, and after about five hours even the madam is very impressed.
- "Sir," she says, "this has been one of the most pleasurable evenings of my life. I was wondering if you'd mind if I called the girls in so they could have a look at you. You're really something special, you know."
But the guy says,
- "No, madam, no. I have come to bury Caesar, not to praise him."
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category: Pun Jokes
The Catholic chauffeur was bragging to his friend how well the Jewish family who employed him treated him.
- "You wouldn't believe it," he said. "I get tips galore, and they always buy me lunch or dinner when I drive. My salary is great, with benefits. I get off all holidays, including the Jewish ones, like Rosh Hashanah."
- "That sounds pretty good," said the friend. "But what is Rosh Hashanah?"
- "Oh, that's when they blow the shofar," replied the chauffeur.
- "Wow!" said the amazed friend. "Those really are some benefits."
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category: Pun Jokes
People who study tornadoes have twistered minds. The first scientists who studied fog were mystified. Lightning storms can be very striking. And when the fog burns off, it won't be mist. Heavenly bodies have an attractive force. If all your troubles are melting away, watch out for the floods. You can only see the stars on a finite.
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category: Pun Jokes
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The very proper lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say,
- "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."
- "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
- "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "I justa tella my friend how to spella Mississippi."
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category: Pun Jokes
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