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Pun Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Pun Jokes
show: 8 - 14 z 33
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Two old women were sitting on the bench talking, when one asked the other,
- "How's your Paddy holding up in bed these days?"
The second old lady replied,
- "He makes me feel like an exercise bike."
- "How's that?" asked the first lady.
The second old lady said,
- "He climbs on and starts pumping away - But we never get anywhere."
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category: Pun Jokes
One late evening, a guy walks into a bar and notices two pieces of meat on the ceiling. He asks the bartender for a bottle of beer, and the bartender asks,
- "Don't you want to participate in our competition?"
The guy asks,
- "What's it all about?"
The bartender informs him,
- "All you have to do is get those pieces of meat off the ceiling and you get a free beer! If you fail you have to buy the whole bar a drink."
The guy thinks about if for a few minutes and then replies,
- "No I don't think so, sir. Those steaks are far too high!"
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category: Pun Jokes
A waitress walks up to a table where three Japanese men were seated. When she gets to the table, the waitress notices that the three men are furiously masturbating. The waitress demandingly asks,
- "What the hell are you three perverts doing?"
One man replies,
- "We all very hungry!"
The waitress responded,
- "But why are you jerking off?"
And, the Japanese men answered,
- "Because menu say, 'First Come, First Served!'"
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category: Pun Jokes
The young mother wanted so much to be a part of her teenage children's group. She worked hard at learning all the styles the young mothers wore and all foods the children like to eat. She always tried to look young and spiffy and to have an abundant supply of snacks when the gang dropped by. She even learned how to talk "young" learning all the buzz words and hip sayings. One day all this came to a screeching halt when, after serving the right snacks, she heard herself say to a room full of hormone dripping teenagers,
- "If anyone want secs, just let me know. I'll be in the kitchen getting it ready."
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category: Pun Jokes
Once, a young woman married a very wealthy man. They were quite happy, but after ten years he passed away, leaving her a very wealthy widow. Still being young, she met an actor and they married. She saw many Broadway shows that he starred in, and they traveled a great deal. But after they had been married about 10 years, he too passed away. This was the second husband that she had to bury. Still being a young woman of about 40, she began going to church. She met the new pastor, and they fell in love and married. Unfortunately after a few years, he too passed away. This was the third husband she'd had to bury. Still being a desirable woman, she met a wonderful man who was a mortician. After they had been married about five years, she took ill and passed away. Some people say that she married: 1 for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get ready, and 4 to GO.
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category: Pun Jokes
One afternoon, two Swedish sisters went into a photography studio to have their pictures taken. Not being very educated, they questioned each other on what the photographer is doing. When the photographer went under the black cloth, the younger sister turned to the older sister and asked,
- "Vots he goink to do?"
The older sister answered,
- "He's goink to focus!"
The younger sister cried out,
- "Bot of us?"
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category: Pun Jokes
The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office.
- "How was work, dear?" his wife asks.
- "Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.
- "Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely.
- "Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?"
At this moment, the Wolf Man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage. Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself,
- "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."
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category: Pun Jokes
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