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Redneck Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Redneck Jokes
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A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
- "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over to him and says,
- "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
The boy leans over to her and whispers,
- "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
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category: Redneck Jokes
- Why are there hardly any dental professionals in Arkansas?
- Because it takes 35 patients to make a full set of teeth.
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category: Redneck Jokes
A man was sitting next to a very attractive woman on an airplane. To start conversation, he asked her what kind of men she was interested in. Her first choice was American Indian men, since they're so rugged. After that she said that Jewish men were pretty attractive too. Not belonging to either of those categories, the man asked if there were any other kinds of men she liked to date. She thought for a moment and then said Southern men, because they're so gentlemanly. At this point, she realized she didn't know the man's name.
- "Well, my name's Geronimo Bernstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
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category: Redneck Jokes
A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Buford and Buck, two country boys in the next booth, notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out that she launches foward and throws up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck,
- "You're right,that 'hind-lick' maneuver works like a charm."
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category: Redneck Jokes
Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, "chickens."
- "Chickens, eh?" says one guy. "Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"
- "Heck," says the guy with the bag, "iffin you guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."
The other scratches his head and guesses,
- "Um... five?"
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category: Redneck Jokes
- What do they call pall bearers in Oklahoma?
- Carry-Oakies
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category: Redneck Jokes
Two men went hunting. Joe had been hunting all his life, but Steve was hunting for the first time. Joe told Steve to sit down and not make a sound. So he did. But when Joe got 100 yards away, he heard a scream.
- "I thought I told you to be quiet!" he said.
- "Well, I was when the snake bit me," said Steve. "And I was when the bear attacked me... but when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg and said, 'Should we eat them or take them with us,' I screamed."
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category: Redneck Jokes
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