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Relationship Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Relationship Jokes
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One night a couple was lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled over and tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says
- "I'm sorry honey, but I have a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
Rejected, the husband turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later he rolls over and whispers in her ear
- "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"
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category: Relationship Jokes
A woman answers the door to a market researcher.
- "Good morning madam, I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Do you use it at all in your household?"
- "Oh yes, all the time. It's very good for cuts, grazes and burns."
- "Do you use it for anything else?"
- "Like what?"
- "Ahem.. err.. well.. during.. ahem.. sex."
- "Oh, of course. Yes, I smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep my husband out!"
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category: Relationship Jokes
The newly-weds are in their honeymoon suite and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage. He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says,
- "Put those on."
The bride replies,
- can't wear your trousers."
- And don't forget that" he replies, "I will always wear the trousers in this family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request,
- "Try those on!"
He replies,
- "I can't get into your knickers!"
- "And you never will if you don't change your attitude."
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category: Relationship Jokes
A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down. After this goes on for a while, his wife sticks her head out the front door and yells,
- "You need more tail."
The guy turns to his son and says,
- "Son, I never will understand women. I just told her an hour ago I needed more tail, and she told me to go fly a kite!"
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category: Relationship Jokes
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him,
- "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."
- "I know," said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
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category: Relationship Jokes
After the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to see the obstetrician.
- "Doctor," he said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."
- "Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
- "It isn't possible," the man insisted. "We're pure Asian."
- "Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"
The man seemed ashamed.
- "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice a month."
- "There you have it!" the doctor said confidently. "It's just rust."
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category: Relationship Jokes
There was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now. As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work. He told her not to bother as he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He told her that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed. The model said
- "Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It's the least I can do."
He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps.
- "Oh my God!" he whispered loudly, "It's my wife, Quick! Take all your clothes off."
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category: Relationship Jokes
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