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Relationship Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Relationship Jokes
show: 29 - 35 z 81
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After God had created Adam he noticed that he looked very lonely. He decided to help. He said
- "Adam, I've decided to make you a woman. She'll love you, cook for you, be sweet to you, and understand you."
Adam said:
- "Great! How much will she cost me?"
The answer came back,
- "An arm and a leg."
- "Well," said Adam "what can I get for a rib?"
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category: Relationship Jokes
A women on her deathbed called her husband and instructed him to look under their bed and open the wooden box he found. He was puzzled by the 3 eggs and $7,000 in cash he found in the box, so he asked his wife what the eggs were for.
- "Oh those", she replied, "every time we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box".
Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage, then he asked,
- "But what about the $7,000?"
- "Oh that", she replied, "every time I got a dozen I sold them."
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category: Relationship Jokes
A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said,
- "That's once."
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said,
- "That's twice."
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse. His brand new bride raised all kind of hell with him, telling him,
- "That was an awful thing to do."
The farmer said,
- "That's once."
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category: Relationship Jokes
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says,
- "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. God got mad and said,
- "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only, one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
And the man replied,
- "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
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category: Relationship Jokes
This guy's wife asks,
- "Honey if I died would you remarry?"
He replies,
- "Well, after a considerable period of grieving, we all need companionship, I guess I would."
She says,
- "If I died and you remarried, would she live in this house?"
He replies,
- "We've spent a lot of time and money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house, I guess she would."
So she asks,
- "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, would she sleep in our bed?"
and he says,
- "That bed is brand new, we just paid two thousand dollars for it, it's going to last a long time, I guess she would."
So she asks,
- "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?"
and he says,
- "Oh no, she's left handed."
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category: Relationship Jokes
After the sermon was over, one member of the congregation had lingered after the other members had shook hands with the minister on their way out. The minister recognized the young man as one whom he had married a couple of months before. As the young man shook hands with the minister, he asked,
- "Reverend, do you believe someone should profit from the mistakes of others?"
- "Certainly not," replied the preacher.
- "Well... in that case... could I have the $50 back that I gave you for marrying me?"
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category: Relationship Jokes
A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary. On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry. When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.
- "Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor.
- "Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would prefer the traditional service."
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category: Relationship Jokes
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