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Relationship Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Relationship Jokes
show: 43 - 49 z 81
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A husband desperate to end an argument offers to buy is wife a new car. She curtly declines his offer by saying,
- "That's not quite what I had in mind."
Frantically he offers her a new house. Again she rejects his offer,
- "That's not quite what I had in mind."
Curious, he asks:
- "What did you have in mind?"
She retorts,
- "I'd like a divorce."
He answers,
- "I hadn't planned on spending quite that much."
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category: Relationship Jokes
A father was very anxious to marry off his daughter so he wanted tried impress her first date.
- "Do you like to screw?" he asks.
- "Huh?!" replied the surprised young man.
- "My daughter, she loves to screw and she's very good at it. You and she should go screw." carefully explained the father.
Now very interested, the boy replied,
- "Yes, sir!"
Minutes later the girl came down the stairs, kissed her father goodbye and the couple left. After only a few minutes she reappeared, furious, dress torn, hair a mess and screamed,
- "Dammit, Daddy, get it right, it's the TWIST!"
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category: Relationship Jokes
A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said,
- "I've lost my dad!"
The copper said,
- "What's he like?"
The little boy replied,
- "Beer and women!"
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category: Relationship Jokes
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the check-out line, but she got in front of him.
- "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who I haven't seen in a long time."
- "That's a shame," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
- "Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!'? It would make me feel so much better."
- "Sure," answered the young man. So, when the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"
As he stepped up to the check-out counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
- "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
The clerk replied,
- "Your mother said that you would pay for her."
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category: Relationship Jokes
This guy in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
- "No thank you," she said politely." "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
- "That must be rather difficult," the man replied.
- "Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."
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category: Relationship Jokes
A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman,
- "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly,
- "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."
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category: Relationship Jokes
A young couple got married. On their honeymoon, they were very anxious about having sex because they were both virgins. Because of their sexual inexperience, they were a bit uncomfortable discussing the subject so they came up with the term "doing the laundry" to use in place of "having sex." This made them both more comfortable with the whole concept. Well, the first night of their honeymoon was wonderful. They "did the laundry" 5 times that first night. In the middle of the night the new husband woke up, and he was ready to do the laundry again. He gently shook his new wife and asked her,
- "Can we do the laundry again?" but she was very tired.
She told him that she just couldn't do it again just yet. Maybe in the morning. A few hours later the new wife awoke feeling very guilty. What he had asked for wasn't unreasonable, and she decided she should go ahead and "do the laundry" with him again. She gently shook him and said,
- "Honey, I'm sorry I denied you... We can do the laundry again if you want,"
He replied,
- "That's ok... It was a small load... I did it by hand."
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category: Relationship Jokes
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