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Relationship Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Relationship Jokes
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Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
- "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back:
- "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
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category: Relationship Jokes
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.
- "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.
- "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
- "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"
- "No sir, our mother."
- "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"
- "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."
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category: Relationship Jokes
Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says
- "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"
The mom says,
- "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Minutes later he runs back and says,
- "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"
The mom says,
- "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says,
- "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"
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category: Relationship Jokes
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees.
- "I don't want to know!"
Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.
- "Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that grown ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in!"
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category: Relationship Jokes
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation... She is speaking in a cheery voice)
- "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks,
- "Who was that?"
- "Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
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category: Relationship Jokes
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband,
- "I bet you don't know what day this is."
- "Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office.
At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped , two pound box of her favourite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.
- "First, the flowers then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in all my life!"
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category: Relationship Jokes
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
- "You're running around with other women," she charged.
- "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
- "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
- "Counting your ribs!"
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category: Relationship Jokes
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