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Relationship Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Relationship Jokes
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While going through his wife's dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash. The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed:
- "Over the years, I haven't been completely faithful to you."
- "When I did fool around, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion," she explained.
The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either, and therefore, was inclined to forgive and forget a few moments of weakness in his wife.
- "I'm curious though," he said, "Where did the thirty dollars come from?"
- "Oh that, " his wife replied, "Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I sold out!"
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category: Relationship Jokes
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.
- "I will have to go home and come back later."
The woman says,
- "Unbutton your shirt."
So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says,
- "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says,
- "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
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category: Relationship Jokes
A suspicious husband hired a private eye to check on the movements of his wife. In addition to a written report, the husband wanted a video of his wife's activities.
A week later, the detective returned with a film. They sat down together and proceeded to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them strolling arm in arm and laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw them take part in a dozen activities with utter glee.
- "I just can't believe this," said the distraught husband.
- "What's not to believe?" the detective said. "It's right up there on the screen!"
- "I simply can't believe my wife could be so much fun!" the husband replied.
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category: Relationship Jokes
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary. He shouted at him,
- "Is this what I pay you for?"
The manager replied:
- "No, sir, this I do free of charge."
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category: Relationship Jokes
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
- "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up,
- "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?" he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive.
- "Yes, I do," she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily.
- "Do you remember when you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
- "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues...
- "Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".
- "I remember that too", she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...
- "I would have gotten out today!"
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category: Relationship Jokes
After years of marriage, Ole and Lena found themselves in bed one night. Lena leaned over to Ole and said,
- "Ole, have you ever been unfaithful during all our years of marriage?"
- "Not even once!" exclaimed Ole. "Lena, have you ever been unfaithful?"
- "Well, er, yes - but only three times," she admitted somewhat embarrassed.
- "Hmmm, three times?" questioned Ole. "That's not so bad. Do you remember those three times? Can you tell me when?"
- "Well, Ole, do you remember when you wanted to build the store and you had a hard time getting approval from the City Council?" asked Lena. "That was the first time."
- "And, do you remember when you wanted to build an addition, but had to get the okay from the building inspector?" she asked. "That was the second time."
- "OK, Lena, when was the third time?" queried Ole?
- "The third time was " Lena paused. "Do you remember when you were running for president of the Sons of Norway and you needed 125 votes?"
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category: Relationship Jokes
Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he couldn`t bring himself to tell his fiancee` about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying was,
- "Darling, I`ve got a big surprise for you," at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly. The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room.
- "Now don`t forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise," said the bride.
Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife`s hand on the stump.
- "Hmmmmm," she said softly, "that IS a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I`ll see what I can do!"
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category: Relationship Jokes
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