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Religious Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Religious Jokes
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Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, - "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps,
- "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly,
- "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle
- "Well...?"
She replies,
- "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'."
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category: Religious Jokes
At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of silence. This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence. One Christmas, Brother Thomas had his turn to speak and said,
- "I love the delightful mashed potatoes we have every year with the Christmas roast!"
Then he sat down. Silence ensued for 365 days. The next Christmas, Brother Michael got his turn, and said,
- "I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I truly despise them!"
Once again, silence ensued for 365 days. The following Christmas, Brother Paul rose and said,
- "I am fed up with this constant bickering!"
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category: Religious Jokes
Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends
- "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."
The second Catholic woman chirps,
- "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, "Your Grace."
The third Catholic mother says,
- "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence."
Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle,
- "Well?"
So she replies,
- "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard-bodied dancer. When he walks into a room, people say, "Oh my God!"
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category: Religious Jokes
A man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said,
- "Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you -- we've looked at your life, and your really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?"
The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied,
- "Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of bikers. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the bikers. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!"
- "I'm impressed," St. Peter responded, "When did this happen?"
- "About two minutes ago," came the reply.
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category: Religious Jokes
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest says,
- "Cross you arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand."
The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests,
- "Try saying things like, 'I see,' 'yes,' 'go on,' 'I understand,' and 'how did you feel about that?'"
The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says,
- "Now, don't you think that's a little better than saying, 'Whoa... What happened next?'"
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category: Religious Jokes
A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend had proposed but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell.
- "Marry him anyway dear." the Mother said. "Between the two of us, we'll show him just how wrong he is."
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category: Religious Jokes
A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.
- "I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi... where did I go wrong?"
- "Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you, I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he comes and tells me he has decided to become a Christian."
- "What did you do?" asked the lawyer.
- "I turned to God for the answer," replied the rabbi.
- "And what did he say?"
- "Funny you should come to me..."
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category: Religious Jokes
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