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Science Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Science Jokes
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A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician were all in a hotel sleeping when a fire broke out in their respective rooms. The physicist woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, pulled out his CRC, and began working out all sorts of fluid dynamics equations. After a couple minutes, he threw down his pencil, got a graduated cylinder out of his suitcase, and measured out a precise amount of water. He threw it on the fire, extinguishing it, with not a drop wasted, and went back to sleep. The engineer woke up, saw the fire, ran into the bathroom, turned on the faucets full-blast, flooding out the entire apartment, which put out the fire, and went back to sleep. The mathematician woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, began working through theorems, lemmas, hypotheses , you -name-it, and after a few minutes, put down his pencil triumphantly and exclaimed,
- "I have proven that I can put the fire out!"
He then went back to sleep.
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category: Science Jokes
During grammar school science experiements into properties of different alcohols: The residue of each test was tipped down the sinks, which were grouped in threes. There were no U-bends, but each group of sinks emptied into a single box, which overflowed into the mains sewers. Presumably this was intended to retain things like droplets of mercury, which was not banned from use when I was 16. During the session, my bunsen went out, so I re-lit it with a splint lit from the teacher's bunsen. For safety's sake I dropped the burning splint into the sink, intending to extinguish it with water, instead of waving it around in the alcohol fumes. A small blue flame disappeared down the plughole. Hum, thinks I, I wonder where that's going? I opened the cupboard 'neath the sink, only to find the drain box, full of alcohol, a roaring mass of flame. Shutting the doors, I called out,
- "Er, Sir..." just as the inch-thick wooden lids blew off the adjacent un-used sinks. Fortunately, the back-blast extinguished the flames under the cupboard, so the box only sagged slightly!
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category: Science Jokes
The terrestrial planets are much larger than the gas giants. Wegener found matching bedbugs on opposite sides of the Atlantic. The main problem associated with limestone aquifers is Lyme disease. We don't have rock salt on Guam because that forms from from evaporation of oceans and we don't have oceans on Guam. Erie, Pennsylvania has no volcanoes because it's too cold there. The most important agent of landscape formation on Guam is greyhounds - they are intelligent. We know that the sun is much farther away from us than the moon is, because we can see stars between us and the sun, but not between us and the moon. The rear end of a trilobite is called a trilobutt.
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category: Science Jokes
This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and after confirming this was what she was intending to do, asked her first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium. She was puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action.
- 'It will give me time to get away' said the professor.
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category: Science Jokes
- "Welcome to Entropy Burgers - may I take your order?"
- "I put in disorder a long time ago. The service here is getting worse all the time."
- "My experience Gibbs me reason to believe you."
- "I know the waitress who asked that, too. Her name's Ellen Omega. She really made me thermally dynamic. So, I asked her out. I tell you, when she don't like you, she really Boltz, man. Women like that are never distributed normally among the population."
- "What kind of Poisson would say something like this?"
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category: Science Jokes
- Are the rivers flowing up the mountain or down the mountain?
- Is that the ocean? (Asked while on a field trip to Marine Lab Beach on Guam (a small island in the Pacific).
- How can the river be flowing north? That's uphill!
- How can mass wasting be an agent of landscape formation on the Moon? The Moon has no gravity!
- How do I get water into this beaker?
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category: Science Jokes
Chemist's fast prayer:
Dear Lord, if I mix sodium
with concentrated HNO3,
and add to it Plutonium,
would you take care of me?
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category: Science Jokes
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