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Sports Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Sports Jokes
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Two friends, Kirk and Bernie, were two huge baseball fans. Their entire lives, Kirk and Bernie talked baseball. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that who ever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One night, Kirk passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy, Bernie, awoke to the sound of Kirk's voice from beyond.
- "Kirk is that you?" Bernie asked.
- "Yes, it's me," Kirk replied.
- "This is unbelievable" Bernie exclaimed. "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?"
- "Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?" asked Kirk.
- "Tell me the good news first," replied Bernie.
- "Well, the good news is that yes there is baseball in heaven," said Kirk.
- "Oh, that is wonderful, So what is the bad news?" asked Bernie.
Kirk answered,
- "You're pitching tomorrow night."
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category: Sports Jokes
A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man cuts a fart. His wife rolls over and asks,
- "What in the world was that?"
The man says,
- "Touchdown, I'm ahead, seven to nothing."
A few minutes later the wife lets one loose. The man says to her,
- "What was that?"
She replies,
- "Touchdown, tie score."
The man lays there for about ten minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard that he shits all over the bed. The wife asks,
- "Now what in the world was that?"
He replies,
- "Half time. Switch sides."
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category: Sports Jokes
A Denver Broncos' fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Mile High Stadium, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was. The guy said,
- "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Craig Morton days, but now my wife is dead."
The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad that he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to and enjoy the game together.
- "Oh no." the guy said. "They're all at the funeral."
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category: Sports Jokes
Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing. The other guy says,
- "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."
The first guy responds,
- "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."
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category: Sports Jokes
A woman, while touring a small South American country was shown a bullfight. The guide told her,
- "This is our number one sport."
The horrified woman said,
- "Isn't that revolting?"
- "No," the guide replied, "revolting is our number two sport."
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category: Sports Jokes
Supplemental Rules for Bowling. If you holler "overs!" before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball over, unless of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the "overs". When your team is about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame, you can invoke the rule "First Team Through Bowling Wins the Game", and your team still has a chance. After a member of the opposing team bowls 4 strikes in a row, he/she must bowl the next 4 frames blindfolded. If he/she continues to strike, his/her shoelaces will be tied together for 2 frames. When you leave the 10-pin and you know you can't make the spare, but another member of your team can, invoke the "Designated Bowler" rule. After you have 4 splits in one game, you may say "Kings X" and take those 4 frames over. However, if you split on the 2nd time around, you accept it. After all, "Fair is Fair". If your ball goes in the gutter and jumps back onto the lane, knocking dow pins, by golly, you get them! That's much harder than to knock them down the conventional way. Good bowling should be recognized. A ball should be declared dead when you bowl 3 games without a strike. It shall be the owners privilege to decide on the disposition of said dead ball - Burial at Sea, Dropped from an airplane over a live volcano, or a simple burial in the city dump. For a small fee, a league officer can be bribed to deliver a short eulogy.
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category: Sports Jokes
Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond.
- "Bob, Is that you?" Earl asked.
- "Of course it me," Bob replied.
- "This is unbelievable!" Earl exclaimed. "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?"
- "Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?"
- "Tell me the good news first."
- "Well, the good news is that yes there is baseball in heaven, Earl."
- "Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?"
- "You're pitching tomorrow night."
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category: Sports Jokes
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